So I've figured out I'm gay. After three years of questioning and being in denial. I'm not out to anyone, I told one guy who was gay himself at a party when I was drunk but other than that no one. I'm ready to tell my best friends (about three of them) but not ready to tell anyone else or family... My mums side of the family is very open and supportive, she has a gay cousin and aunt. And my brother is gay aswell... although my family know it is something they do not speak about or discuss. I think they just try not to think about it at all, my mums told me she is supportive and loves him no matter what but my dad on the other hand got so angry and upset when we spoke about my brother once and said he doesn't think he'll ever be able to discuss it. Ever since I've been accepting of myself it seems everyone around me has become so much more homophobic. Today at school someone made a disgusting joke about lesbians and I had to walk off. Also my dad just called me, he knows Valentine's Day is on the weekend. He asked what I was doing and I said I'm going to lunch with my best friend (who's a girl) I have absolutely no feelings for her it would be like incest as she's practicality my sister. Anyway he responded 'Maybe not go for lunch together, that would look strange two girls having lunch together on Valentine's day' That hurt me a lot, I thought he was over being homophobic as it's been a couple years now since my brothers been out and they have a fairly good relationship. I just know it will be so hard and terrifying for me to come out to him, he looked disgusted to know my brother was gay when we did speak about it and he always calls me his baby girl, I'm his favourite child basically as we talk about a lot together. He always says how proud he is of me but I just know he will think of me so differently if I do come out to him... Also I began to realise I was possibly gay around 14. I'm now 18. Anywho, I have this vivid memory of when I was about 10-11 years old. I was watching a talent show on TV and this brother and sister sang as a duet. Their back story was that they were both gay, came from an ethnic family (as do I) and explained how difficult it's been for them. I remember my dad saying 'Well wouldn't there parents just be over the moon! Not. Poor parents' It always stuck with me subconciously and I remember it to this day. Any advice or tips? I'm just feeling hurt and alienated right now. I have no one to talk too
it's not your fault that your father thinks that way.You can't change others you can only change yourself.Don't feel guilty for things you can't change.Be yourself and don't regret it. ---------- Post added 9th Feb 2016 at 02:01 PM ---------- (*hug*)
I'm so sorry about that. My dad does and says similar things. You can't let him bother you. I realize that is easier said than done, but you are more important than his petty views. You start to see the homophobia more and more as you accept yourself it seems. At least that's how it was for me because it was always on my mind after I had accepted myself. You just need to take it one step at a time and try your best to not let his or others comments hurt you.
You can't help it if your Dad thinks like that, you can't pretend to be straight for the rest of your life in order not to disappoint him. Maybe if his favorite child turns out to be gay as well, he'll adjust his attitude a little bit. Maybe it helps him to be more supportive of LGBTQ. It is what it is and it really sucks that your dad has a hurtful point of view, but I'd suggest you go for it anyway. They'd find out sooner or later either way, but I recommend you come out to the people that are supportive first, it helps to gain some confidence IMO Good luck and lots of hugs for you (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
