**please help**

Hi Mummylau
I just wanted to send some love your way. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be in your situation. I know how difficult figuring this all out can be, but I know you will get through this and that you'll figure it all out with time. I know that I haven't been in your specific situation, but if you ever need to talk feel free to post on my wall.

 

Hello!
This is a hard one.
You could try to tell your husband about your bisexuality but other than that I've got nothing.
You have my sympathies. :icon_sad:

 

I'm in a same kind of a situation except we don't have kids. I came out as a bi to my husband (then boyfriend) almost 10 years ago. He was always pro gay rights but me coming out was a bit of disappointing to him i think. But he got over it pretty quickly. Now i'm in a situation where i think i might actually be a lesbian. I have talked to him about it and he is actually very supportive.

I don't know if your husband is homophobic or not and how conservative you are. But there are other ways than monogamy also. Do you still feel attracted to men also? Or could it be that you are actually a lesbian? And when you think about this, try to separate the love you feel towards your husband and think only sexually. If you still are attracted to men also, there is always a possibility to get a third wheel to your bedroom, or maybe an open marriage. Or if your husband is very understanding, he might even give you a permission to experiment outside the marriage with women.

So the first thing would be maybe to think about your husband and how he might react. Coming out as a bi is still relatively easy because it doesn't necessarily mean any changes to your marriage. And in my case my husband could always sense, when something was wrong and i found out that i should have talked to him earlier. You can then think together if you could find a solution that both of you would be happy.

I wouldn't worry too much of the kids yet, they don't want to know their parents sex life anyway so if you still stay together you don't really have to tell them anything. Change is frightening always and you probably feel very panicked now. It takes some time to come down a notch and start to think rationally again. Try to calm down and seriously think about what you want from your future.

Me and my husband were originally thinking that maybe we should have a third wheel or something like that, but when some time passed and i got some clarity i'm seeing that's not an option for us. At the moment i'm leaning towards being a lesbian but that is hard to admit to myself. And i haven't still quite accepted it as a fact yet. But now we are sort of experimenting to just being buddies with my husband. He has always been my best friend also and i don't want to loose him completely.

So take a deep breath and try to push fear aside for a moment and think about what kind of a future you would like to have. And if you think you can talk with your husband then do it. It's always easier to think about these things together with someone.

 

You seem to have very strong feelings and i doubt they will go away. You might be able to get rid of them for a while but trust me, they always come back. When ever i'm in a dark place i just think that it's still better to face this now than when i'm 40, 50 or 60 years old.

I'm also thinking sometimes that i might be just imagining this all, but then i remember all those little things that felt somehow off along the years. Those signs are so subtle that they are hard to see. I still very much love my husband but hey, i love my relatives also so it's not that good of an indicator. Maybe i love him more like i would love a brother. At the moment i'm thinking if i only love my husband but i'm not in love with him. It's only natural that life and hardships shared together make you have strong feelings towards the other and that's what makes it tough to recognize what you really want.

Do you have any gay friends or do you live in a big city with an active lgbt community? It might help if you could share your thoughts with someone who has come out. I think many have doubts about their feelings too and they could maybe share with you. And there might even be a support group. And you can always write to me and i'll answer to you.

 

Hi

I joined this tonight because i struggled with my sexuality for a long time and took years to come to terms with it. I really would like to help anyone if i can by talking or answering any questions that might help.