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Bisexual but hate myself

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sabrinaa, Feb 10, 2016.

  1. sabrinaa

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    I am getting to the point where I want to kind of accept being bisexual at least for now. I just don't want to hide this part of me anymore. The problem is that I have such a deep rooted issue with bisexuality!

    I cannot get these OLD thoughts out of my head! I do believe in bisexuality, I do love bisexuals and am now very well educated on the LGBTQ+ community and the entire spectrum of sexuality, but I cannot shake my old feelings about myself!!! It is sooo deeply rooted in me and I cannot get it out of my head. This is what brings me doubts and makes my journey so difficult!! I can't accept being out as bisexual!

    My brain is just a huge mess of my old way of thinking and stereotypes! It is preventing me from moving forward. I grew up believing that bisexuality was not real for a long time. Looking back, I think the reason I felt this way was because I often questioned my sexuality, but always ended up attributing my attraction toward women as the normal "girl crush" thing that straight girls say. And when I had a crush on a guy I was like "whew okay see I am straight" and the gay thoughts went away until they came back again and again. Also I knew people who said they were bisexual and then took it back and I remember thinking "what the heck is that about?".

    Whenever I make progress and accept it, I get a rush of fear and anxiety when I realize other people will have to know about this too!!! and then I fear that it's too confusing and how can I date? no one will date me and my friends and family will think I am pretending and that I am so strange! I am fighting with my own head. I really want to accept bisexuality! but my feelings of fear and doubt just make it so miserable. I have so many stupid deep seeded issues. I fear that if I am a lesbian my life will not look 'normal' and everyone will hate me. I fear being straight because I really really like women and would be so miserable dating men exclusively. I fear bisexuality because I fear that it is just a "phase" and will have proven my stupid old thoughts right. 'sigh' I will never win.

    Also, I have just been in the closet for sooooo long, soooo scared!!! My family always tells me they want me to get a boyfriend, I am not currently thinking about boys at all!! There is so much pressure. I feel like this will change how they see me and will confuse them so much.

    UGH it is so frustrating!!!I REALLY want to accept myself!! Does anyone have any advice on how to retrain my brain? How can I force myself to be okay with this? It's like I hate myself!! I hate who I am but I can't change it and that sucks!!!! It sucks so bad!
     
  2. Confusedmoose

    Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    Hey badwolf,

    It's not easy to change the way you saw yourself for years. It takes a lot of time to change your way of thinking, but as you continue to accept yourself for who you are I'm sure you'll stop feeling this way.

    Try not to think about what others will think. It's totally ok to be confused and it's normal to be frustrated. Right now focus on yourself and how you feel about it. If you aren't interested in getting a boyfriend don't. That amount of pressure must be difficult,but you have to follow your heart. I don't know if there is a way to retrain your brain, but I think it is important that you give yourself some encouragement and love- say I am who I am and who I am is great (because that's just the truth).
     
  3. HardToSay

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there, I am so sorry to hear about what you have been going through. Please, don't hate yourself!

    say, are you sure that your Family would not be accepting of you? Maybe you are just overreacting and "overfearing"...

    For instance, are you sure your Family has been pressuring you, "wanting" you to ge a bf, or are they maybe simply asking "Oh, have you met any intersting guy lately?""

    Hang in there!