Guess I'll never find out...

Hello all,

I first began to question my sexuality in my previous relationship. Out of curiousity I logged into a gay chat, where I got into a talk with another gay man, and it hit me hard. Never have I felt so real and true with myself before. After that I began to log into the chat quite frequently and also started to fantasize about guys and explore the net to ease my imagination, which I really enjoyed. Shortly after that I broke up with my gf.

Afterwards I started to think more about guys and lost almost completely my interest in women. However, all of my contact with guys was left on verbal level at chat rooms, and I could never build enough courage to actually meet an interesting guy and see if my feelings were real. Maybe due to my fear of anybody finding out and what my religion is said to think about gays.

I spent some years single trying to understand myself better and find the courage to act and experience, which sadly, I never could find.

Some years ago I somehow got into a relationship with a woman again, which was great at the beginning and I thought the gay thoughts were just a phase and I was actually straight. However, this relationship like the previous one seemed to always lack something and I think I'm always trying to fit into some role and never have I felt I have been completely true and open with anybody. So I have begun to question myself again and admitted to myself that I'm at least bi, if not completely gay. I do realise that the only way to find out would be to actually experience and date another man. However, now I'm in a relationship, which I feel I do not want to risk if in the end I will find out, that I'm not gay after all.

I would be happy if anybody could give some advice, what should I do to find out.

Sorry about my scattered story, guess I'm not used to express myself at forums...