Sorry but this will most likely be a long Post: I am currently 16 (17 in June) and to be honest I've been questioning my sexuality for a long time but now i am starting to really stress about it. When i was first introduced to the concept of homosexuality (really young i can't tell the precise age) I think I didn't react much to it and never even thought on the possibility of being one myself. It was when i was about 10 years old that i considered that possibility (when people started pointing out that i only hung out with a certain girl and started mocking us saying that we were lesbians) but even then i just kinda shrugged it off. So when i was about 13 I started to question myself a little more seriously and i wasn't really afraid to ask a friend (who claims to be bisexual) about it either, however the way she reacted might have affected my way of thinking tho: when i brought it up she instantly would say angrily how there was no way that i was attracted to females in any way shape or form.However i've come to realize now that i am no longer that person's friend that she was very manipulative and that i am very easily influenceble by other things. Now i am in a different school and the issue seems to be the opposite, no one i know here believes that i am straight. I seem to fit every lesbian stereotype, apperantly my behaviour with female friends is more touchy feely than it should be and being jealous of my friend's boyfriend isn't normal according to them. But i can't imagine myself dating or getting intimate with a friend (or at least not without feeling that i am forcing myself to think such things). But i don't really like to imagine myself dating either. 9/10 times i imagine myself dating its with some "character" i made in my head and in most cases i don't even imagine myself dating with that "Character" either. I just end up making up a really bad scenario that never ends well. When it comes to crushes (on real people) I feel like i stopped having them once i was old enough to understand what they really meant. when i was about 5/6 years i would have a crush every day but then it just stopped happening and i even stopped acknowledging when a boy was cute. I started only having crushes in fictional characters (mostly very girly looking anime boys but a few girls every once in a while) and by crushes i mean i'd obsess over the character but never think of them with me of course. Now that i started questioning myself more seriously many of those fictional crushes are starting to be female for most part and i am afraid this is all is because people are telling me that i am gay as opposed of me being actually gay since i am very easily influenced by stuff like that. I am actually unsure if i have a "girl crush" or an actual crush on this girl at my school. I get nervous when i am around her but did i force myself to have this crush on her? Am I just acting more gay because other people tell me? Have i started watching more homosexual media (sfw and nsfw stuff) just because people think that i am gay when in reality i am straight but just get really easily influenced by other people? Am I forcing myself to look at girls and tell if they're cute or not? Do i want to be gay when i am not? Or is it the opposite? Did i have those supposed guy crushes because of heteronormitivity? Did i only have fictional crushes and "characters" for fantasies so i could say i was straight without engaging in any kind of interactions? Am i afraid of coming out because i don't tend to relate to other lesbians as much as i think i should? Am I just a bisexual with internalized biphobia? I do believe sexuality can be fluid but not like this. I've been questioning for long and i am tired of this ambiguity. Most people say i shouldn't pressure myself with labels but i want a label, i want to know what i am. I'd like to read your opinions and again Sorry for the long post
