Looking for some advice on orientation Have spent my whole life as a straight man but have had occasional same sex Fantasys, sometimes going years without having any. I have been with my girlfriend 10 years, very into her sexually, never any issues, have never met a guy I have felt attracted to, love her What makes me wonder is my same sex Fantasys are often pretty powerful, maybe More so than straight Fantasys, however the guys in the Fantasys are always non descript, no face or anyone I can picture enjoy straight porn and lesbian porn, have diagnosed OCD 10+ years, I am really struggling with this, forced myself to go to a bath house to get to the bottom of it, received oral and did orgasm (3 years ago) never really wanted to do it again, fantasy seems enough for me Obsess over orientation and my relationship, have a lot of social anxiety, worried it's all driven by being in denial
Hey Superw, Let me premise this by saying that only you will be able to truly determine your sexual orientation (and whatever that is it is totally fine). While it is true that you could be interested in men, from what you've said it seems like it is probably just a fantasy. The fact that you've never met a guy that you've felt attracted to for me is pretty telling. You have definitely been curious, though (which is totally fine). Sometimes thoughts and fantasies are just thoughts and fantasies. I hope that helped in some way.
Does these fantasies feel intrusive to you somehow? Is there any measure of guilt or discomfort involved? I am only asking because of your history with OCD as I have heard that there is a form of OCD (HOCD?) where sufferers get intrusive thoughts which questions their sexual orientation. Just know that any genuine sexual feelings you feel should only come from a place of desire and not of distress. It depends on how you feel about your own sexuality. It is fairly possible for you to be bi or pan with preferences which is perfectly normal. However, from what you've said, I feel that you may have only just been curious.
The Fantasys are genuine, I wouldn't label them as intrusive in a way other OCD thoughts are. My reaction to them - non stop rumination, going over every sexual experience and thought I have had in the last 20 years to try and ascertain my 'true' orientation, is my OCD playing up. I have thought of little else for the last 6 weeks now Whether the Fantasys reflect real life is another matter, I don't feel drawn to watch gay porn, have watched once in 5 years (but is this denial??) don't feel unsatisfied sexually, have not met a guy ever that got me going (again am i just not letting it happen because I'm in denial?) The 'scary' part for me is that when I do think about it, the reaction is powerful and feels good, but I'the fantasy may just be because it's taboo and something 'exciting' (I grew up in a very conservative household) when I relax and put real people in the scenarios with me (people I know, celebs, profiles on escort sites) I can't seem to imagine it and I can't get excited about it, thinking about being with females I know is much easier Fantasy, reality, denial ? I can't get past it at the moment
It probably is just that you find it exciting and out of the 'norm'. After the experience at the bath house you didn't feel like you wanted to do it again with a man and you don't seem to be attracted to men besides the fantasies. Sure you might be in denial, but that would have to be some strong denial for you not to have any reaction to a guy. There's nothing wrong with having a powerful fantasy like that, especially if you are bicurious.
I can see that some people question their own sexual orientation from time to time, and that may explain your fantasies. However, the fact that they lasted this long seems very significant to me. A lot of the things which you've said about how you might not be attracted to men can actually be argued against and it kind of reminds me of when a good friend began to identify himself as pans. He was in a relationship with a girl, he did not watch any gay porn (ever), nor ever met any man in his life that was (according to him) attractive him. However, he does acknowledge that he fantasizes about men sometimes and he acknowledges this as a genuine attraction in his nature, which led to him identifying himself as pans. I don't want to give too much details about my friend's personal life, but my point is that he exhibited a lot of the things which you mentioned might prove that you might not be attracted to men. Like what Confusedmoose had said, only you will be able to truly determine own your sexual orientation (or however you wish you identify yourself as). I only hope that what I said had helped.
Super w I can totally relate to what you are going through. Am in the same position myself. I can't offer much advice accept sympathise with your situation. It will no doubt be doing your head in. Personally I'm not trying to force anything and let things be. At the moment I have no intention of doing anything with a man and am in a monogamous relationship, ifnthatbchanges and I hope it doesn't who knows but I don't intend to change it. Good luck
its just a matter of discovering or Rediscovering yourself, by doing things you're curious about or even exploring the environment where you think you're belong, in that case you can answer some of your questions about your Dilemma, and afterwards you can now easily define who you really are keep blossoming mah friend, Goodluck
This is getting tough, been exploring and getting very aroused reading some gay erotica stories, saw a male celeb on tv and kinda got excited for first time ever, feel this is because I am allowing myself to feel this I am 33 and married,I am struggling to accept this, extremely depressed, not sure I would ever accept it, Thinking of having a physical encounter (escort or something) but really I don't think it's possible that I won't enjoy it My life is perfect on the outside but I have struggled with anxiety for 10 years, which I think must be due to this conflict I would love some time to experiment and decide but people will get hurt, not sure how to move forward, have to think of my wife and be honest for her sake Friends and fam will not take this well
Well I wouldn't just go off and getting an escort. I think that you should explore the feelings more. Anxiety is something I've dealt with my whole life- I know how upsetting it can be. I think honesty is good. Try not to think about how other people take it. Right now focus on yourself and your acceptance.
i just don't know why i have had no attraction to anyone i have ever met, or cant really imagine being with any of the male people i know, is this common? is this denial? from reading it does sound quite common that people would have felt 'grossed out' at the thought of them being with someone from the same sex, i find it easier to imagine being with someone who is actually gay then picturing myself with straight people i know. I guess a lot of people dont realise till later in life so it must be a fairly common to feel like this.
Wow…I have only been on here for a few days and learning so much. I used to just read profiles on Craigs…in this forum folks seem to be themselves. I am older and have "put" this off longer. While I have enjoyed talking on here, I STILL ID myself as straight…not even Bi. And, yet, if someone says that I seem Bi by what I have written that makes me feel good. Why? I remember years ago when I was a little aggressive on Craigs, if I got to know someone (online only), I would send them a pic of me and ask if I look gay…hoping they would say YES. I think that suggest denial. I can easily write (on here) that I would love to make love to a man…kissing - passionately - holding and hugging and even climaxing just being tightly entwined and kissing. And, with NO apologies…say I am not the LEAST bit attracted to men…get fully excited about woman and want to be with them. And am straight. Cannot be even Bi. Oye.
