I am 15 and I am questioning my sexual attraction. I have dated one guy until now, with whom I broke up a few months ago because I did not love him. I thought that maybe I did before actually going out with him. During this experience we tried kissing a few times. I did not like it, but maybe we were just bad kissers. :dry: However, I started thinking that maybe I was asexual. I never was exactly thrilled at the idea of kissing and I am not, even now. I kind of forced myself to make the first step to kiss him, because I thought that once I would have tried it I would enjoy it and it would become natural. It did not. Maybe I should try with someone else? Sex is not something that I am repulsed by, or afraid of, but I have never felt a particular "need" for it. I never understood when my classmates said that they found an actor or a guy "hot". I just thought they meant that he was beautiful, but I am starting to think that they actually mean more. I got into the habit of leaving whenever my boy or girl friends start talking about "hot" boys or girls because I can't relate, I have no idea of what attraction is. I feel quite the same towards boys, girls, or whatever gender people are. Maybe I am aromantic? I am also not very comfortable with people touching me (like kissing to say hello , hugging (*hug*) ...) but I don't think this has something to do with my sexual orientation (I used to like physical contact when I was younger). However, I have troubles imagining me not being in a relationship later, but still, before actually kissing a guy I did not imagine me not liking kissing. I don't know what questions I should ask myself to determine. What I am also wondering is whether or not I could actually experience sexual attraction for someone one day, if I am just a "late bloomer" about that kind of things. Sorry, that was a lot of rambling -.-'
That was a good detailed post, welcome to EC, I hope people are able to help you Onto your problem... yeah, I get awkward with people kissing and hugging me to greet too, it just seems unneccessary... but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want those things from someone I really liked when I actually wanted them. Not enjoying a kiss also means little. When you're not used to it, you're just bad at it and its awkward as fuck, and just the nervousness can override the pleasure. Also not being in love with your first boyfriend only means that you weren't in love with your first boyfriend, which at 15 I think is fine. In terms of finding guys and girls "hot"... I never really developed the actual strong feeling behind that till recently at like 16/17... like yeah I think it's fine to just see them as beautiful, you don't need to be attracted to everyone's typical "hot" person. Based on these things, I don't think any of them proove actual asexuality, I think you should wait a little longer before worrying.
Thank you for welcoming me and for your advice ^^ I'll take it and wait a few years to see how things evolve. There is no need to rush I guess :lol:
