So I am in the coming out process currently and have made what I believe are leaps and bounds in this process. My best friend of like three years is very supportive. However I have a question about her, as I identify as mostly gay/gay/queer, I don't feel any sexual attraction (at least I don't think) and haven't towards her. However I realized she's a good kisser and get kinda turned on by the sensation of her kissing me, she also has really nice skin. I'm confused because I have never felt any feelings for her for tree years and I still regard her as my best friend, like I'm not in love with her and I don't think I have a crush on her. If I don't think about this, and if I'm with her in everyday life, I just see her as my best friend. It's just sometimes when she kisses me on the cheek or neck, it feels really nice and I'm not sure if it means something. Part of me gets frustrated during this as its like I want this but don't. Part of me wonders what it would be like to kiss her on the lips. I realize that right now I don't think I actually like her but I find this to be confusing being in the middle of coming out and wonder if this could further grow into something. I mean, it would be weird (like really backwards) for me to imagine her as my girlfriend. But I can't get out the weird mixed and pretty delightful yet frustrating sensation I get when she kisses me. Its not so much like the fireworks with like your dream partner, it's like the physical sensation of the actual kiss, like the feeling of her lips slightly gripping my cheek. It's like I don't want to enjoy it but I do. Whether I think about her neck or lips, I never think about anything other than this instance if that makes sense. It's also more confusing cuz everyone ships us together Any help would be appreciated, thanks.
I should also mention that this friend is bi/pan and has a lot of sexual and romantic experiences. She recommends for me to literally sleep around lol which sounds great in theory but I go to a small lib arts college in NY so.....lol
Why do you want to label yourself with one specific label and refuse everything that doesn't fit into it? If you enjoy her kisses, that's totally fine, even if you identify as gay. Firstly, what you describe doesn't sound like anything sexual to me. A kiss can be a very pleasant thing, no matter if you are attracted to the person kissing you or not. Secondly, sexuality is very flexible and most people don't fit perfectly in exactly one category. If you identify as gay for whatever reason, then you are gay. There are no things that make you "less gay" or "not gay enough".
