I apologize beforehand, because this might get a bit long. I'm a 22-year-old girl and for the past year or so I've been questioning both my sexual and romantic orientation. I always just assumed I was straight, but I'm not sure anymore. About my romantic orientation: I really want to get married one day and maybe have kids with a guy, but I'm scared that I may be aromantic or something. I've only had 1 crush in my entire life: about a year and a half ago. And nothing has happened ever since. I know that aromantic people don't have crushes and I think they're not interested in relationships, but I just feel really weird about the fact that I never seem to have a crush, let alone fall in love except for that one time. It just really brings me down because I do really want a relationship, but I just never get any feelings for someone and I've never had a relationship :icon_sad: The only thing that's happened so far is one guy that I knew that just randomly kissed me (no feelings by the way). I'm pretty sure that even my mom is starting to wonder when I'm finally going to talk about someone. For the past years she's been saying things like "you know you can always bring someone over right?", "if you're bringing someone over for Christmas, just let me know!", "you know we don't mind if it's a girl right?" bablabla. She's just desperately trying to get some information on the status of things. And all I can think of is all my of friends and family members that are my age who get into relationships as if it's the easiest thing in the world. It just makes me really sad and lonely that I seem to be the one stuck without anyone even though I want to have someone :tears: I just don't understand how some people can just like someone. Even though I want to be in a relationship with a guy, the idea of romantically interacting with one already makes me feel uncomfortable in an awkward foolish kind of way (maybe because I've never done that before). About my sexual orientation: I feel like I'm not only turned on by guys, but also girls. When I watch porn I also watch lesbian porn and I also read lesbian erotic stories. I know this is not the best thing to use as an indicator since many straight women do this as well, but sometimes I fantasize about what it would be like to be with a girl or I wish I could 'try it' for want of a better description (I would never just use someone like that). I do know that even when I was a teen I noticed other women's boobs, but I never really thought about whether that would mean something. I don't see myself in a relationship with a girl though. So yeah. Any kind of advice, thoughts or ideas are really appreciated!
I'm going through something similiar. I haven't quite resolved everything yet, so I'm not sure how helpful this will be to you. I really want to be in a romantic relationship with a man, but I've never had a serious crush on a guy. Sometimes I get that awkward, uncomfortable feeling around guys but that could also just be social anxiety. I've very rarely had crushes on girls and never in that "I want to see you naked" sort of way. What I've found most helpful is to not rush things. You've got the rest of your life to figure things out. I think that dating will come easier for you when you understand yourself better. There's no rush. There are plenty of fish in the sea. You might have just physical and not romantic attraction to women. Or maybe you're demisexual. You could also be bisexual with a strong preference toward one gender. Good luck!
So what I'm seeing is, although you have a hetero-normative vision of yourself with a man not a woman, you haven't actually had any feelings for men, but have a lot of curiosity about being with a woman and instances of sexual feelings about women that you have not really thought much about because you always thought you were straight... In my opinion (but you really need to think this through yourself), this seems like you have not completley accepted your attraction to women yet and this may be holding you back from feeling romantically towards women, which is where your preference may actually lie. You are second-guessing yourself about whether you're interest in lesbian relationships is normal for a straight woman, and you're still imagining yourself in a straight relationship in the future despite your experiences, so part of you may be sort of holding onto the idea of being straight that you're used too. The fact that you wanna get married to a man and have kids but you're not actually comfortable with the practicality of being with a man seems like you're more longing for a normal family life not an actual relationship with a male. You don't need to label yourself, but just see what happens as you try and open yourself up to your attraction to women. I think it usually takes a while of acceptance to be able to really picture yourself with the same sex. But of course there is just a possibility that you just don't have the same strong attractions as other people, which may put you somewhere in that asexual/aromantic/demisexual range. However, the fact that you are so interested in lesbian relationships makes me feel like that is something worth exploring. You may have always thought you were straight... but a lot of people do assume that as the default since that is how the majority of people are...
I've never really felt an interest for a lesbian relationship though because I've had feelings for one guy so far and not for any woman yet. It's just sexually that I feel attracted towards both. I've tried to think of myself in a relationship with a girl, but I just can't imagine it ever happening (unless one day I happen to get feelings for a girl, but so far that hasn't happened). It's not that I'm not open to the idea, it just doesn't happen, just like it practically doesn't happen with guys. Also, maybe I'm just awkward and uncomfortable when it comes to romantic stuff in general haha. The reason why I'm not sure whether I'm somewhere on the aromantic spectrum is because I've once had feelings for a guy.
Aaaargh, yeah this is all very confusing. When I said you were interested in lesbian relationships I was just talking about reading lesbian stuff and having an interest in trying a relationship with a girl. Well, I tried with what I thought might be going on... Still think about it, like when you say it's not that you're not open to it... the lack of openness can be more subconcious... , but maybe someone else will be able to help you better now that approach has been covered and somewhat eliminated. Sorry if I wasn't much help, then.
