I've had 3 "hook ups" through a "hook up" app with guys around my college so far this week. When I mean "hook up" it's been just on mutual masturbation or hand jobs I've had or given to me. And it's been with 3 guys(White, Hispanic, Asian guy). One on Tuesday and two yesterday. I've been feeling a little more active in exploring my sexuality. I don't know what is the main drive for this. I've harped on and on about Travis(my former crush/bro/close friend) and all that here, I feel like I'm trying to fill a void of losing him and the affection I had for him. I guess that's one reason and I've told the guys that. The guys now I'm a "newbie" despite my age and they are cool with that and respect that. They respect my body and me, I respect them as well in their space. I've had some fetish/kink for compression shorts and I wear them when I'm with my hook ups. It makes me a bit more aroused and such. And I did share this little fetish with two of the guys. One guy was hit/miss on it but was cool with it to try; the other guy liked it because I made him orgasm pretty good in it. I'm unsure if I'm gay or bi or what? I do like girls(women) because I've masturbated to pictures of "hot girls"(blonde White girls) or fantasies of girls or such so there is that. I've masturbated to close male friends I had emotional connections(e.g. Travis) and maybe the fantasy of being with the preppy, youngish looking, blonde, 20-something, White boy. So I feel like I'm bi with some flexibility. I hate to put a label and say I'm this or that. The bi sexuality thing is something I've confronted recently and embraced. I mean it was there in the background for 5 years of my life as the 500 lb elephant in the room I never really looked at. I would like feedback: Could I be bi or gay? Is my "fetish" of wanting to get off in compression normal? Is it okay to share my fetish with my flings or hook ups as long as they are cool with it? How can I go about improving as a "newbie" in terms of sex.
If you can get arroused by both guys and girls then you are bisexual. Comming to terms with being anything other than straight is difficult. Give yourself time and don't be hard on yourself. The compression thing! I don't know enough to comment, but if it makes you happy and doesn't harm anyone, then why not, have fun.
It's quite possible you're bi. It's also possible that as you are just starting to explore your sexual connection to men, you will find that as you explore it more, it will get more arousing and powerful, and you'll find your attraction to women fading. Both are pretty common outcomes; we always have to factor in our unconscious, what values or beliefs we have, and whether we have strong attachment to the "straight' label or to still having connection with the opposite sex. I think the steps you're taking to explore your feelings are sensible ones. Just be mindful as you make these choices, keep yourself safe (always, always, always use condoms if you do anal on hookups, no matter what excuse someone else may give you, and say no if they refuse), and enjoy the experience... and at the same time, keep an eye on your feelings and what you're experiencing. I think you'll start to get a clearer picture as some of the "newness" of the experience wears off.
If you have feelings of attraction or sexual desires for people of your own sex that's either bi or gay. You said you find women attractive so you're probably bi.
I appreciate the comments. Like I've said, I consider myself a "newbie." All the guys I've been so far(3 in total), have been cool with me being a novice/newbie in limited sex or being bi. As far as the terms of the sexual activity, it's been limited to mutual masturbation or hand jobs. I mean on Tuesday, I just laid down on a guy's bed in his dorm and he gave me a hand job. Then yesterday, I had mutual masturbation(afternoon and late night/two different times/two different guys) in my room. I'm not ready to go to the next step of doing oral/anal and I told these guys, I'm a newbie and I'm not ready and they respect my decision. I told them, I just want them to make me feel good and give me pleasure. And I'll do the same. I don't know if there are any risks for mutual masturbation since I've never really considered that. All the times I've had my "hook ups", I've worn my compression shorts. Why? It's like a kink/fetish I like and I get a bit aroused when I'm wearing them. I mean, the guys I've been with liked me wearing them :icon_bigg Two of the guys wore a pair a compression shorts with me, because I suggested if they wanted to try it with me to get off together. One guy was mixed on it, the other guy liked it and would like to wear a pair with me again. Is the fetish thing okay to do and explore? I mean the compression shorts with guys?. Just wondering.
If you're engaging in sexual activity with guys, enjoying it and wanting to do more, you definitely aren't straight. Beyond that, I'd suggest approaching this from the other direction: Instead of preemptively worrying about what you are, do what you feel like doing and see what shakes out over time. You may find that you continue to find both men and women attractive, or you may find that you're only getting into guys and women just don't do it for you (or do it for you as much) anymore. I've not heard of it before, but I don't really pay attention to such things. My sexual tastes tend to be very vanilla. I very much doubt you are the only guy who's into this particular kink, and your own experience just in this short period would seem to support that. As long as you don't let it control your life, you're fine. Certainly Be honest about your level of experience and care about your partner's pleasure. Some guys might try to lie about their level of experience because they are embarrassed about being a newbie. But we were all new at this at some point, and lying about this kind of things can set false expectations and lead to disappointment and upset. So better to be honest from the get go. That lets your partner set realistic expectations about your ability and need/want to learn how to do new things. With time you won't be a newbie any longer and the issue takes care of itself. And if you eventually find yourself in the position of being with a guy who's a newbie when you're not - remember what it was like and pay it forward. Wanting your partner to have a good time and enjoy the sex as much as you do is also important. I've seen guys who just got into their pleasure and getting off and didn't much care if I was having a good time. Which leads to resentment and pretty much not wanting to do anything with them again. Which is sort of self-defeating for them when you think about it. You'll get a lot more guys wanting to see you again or wanting to get with you based on what they hear about you (because gay guys gossip as much as anyone else) if you have a reputation for being a considerate and empathetic lover than if you have a reputation for just wanting to get your orgasm and get out without worrying about the other guy's good time. Todd
I appreciate the reply. Yeah I've been telling the guys I have found on the "hook up app" about being a newbie and they have been respectful of it. I tell them I'm limited and just want to do hand jobs. I'm not ready for "going further"(oral, anal, etc) just yet. One of the guys I had "hooked up" you can say, had did a little bit of oral on me but it was while I was wearing my compression shorts. I had felt a little pain so I told him to stop. I mean, I don't know if oral would hurt or not. I mean, I have a little anxiety of oral and the thought of a guy accidentally hurting me while in the process. And anal, I'm not to fond of that.
Neither oral nor anal should hurt if they're being done right. With oral, the biggest issue can be a guy scraping your penis with his teeth. This is not in any way fun:tears: Although that said, some guys are skilled at essentially nibbling or gently chewing on the penis as part of oral and that can feel very nice. But it has to be done very carefully. Similarly, a guy with a beard or who is unshaven may rub his whiskers on your penis as part of oral. In the heat of the moment that can feel awesome - but if not done carefully, or done too much, can result in beard burn in very sensitive places the next day. So care and moderation are called for in that instance as well. Even if you're totally loving the sensations in the moment, I'd advise asking him to stop after a bit. It isn't that hard to learn to do oral properly (a banana or small cucumber can be useful here) and most experienced guys should know how to give it to you without it hurting. I'd suggest removing the compression shorts for that aspect of things, however. If you're not into anal, that's not a problem. A significant number of guys aren't into it and another large percentage aren't going to be bothered if you don't do it even if they are into it. If you ever do decide you might like to try it, then there are resources on EC that discuss preparation. If you are thinking of trying to bottom, I'd suggest investing in some toys first to allow yourself to first explore the sensations involved and then later to get used to having something the size and shape of a penis inside you if you think you might want to try it. Done initially in private, there's no pressure of having someone else there or feeling you need to perform in some fashion and the like. Although, as mentioned above, if you don't want to try it, that's not a problem. Hope this helps, Todd
There is a difference between sexual attraction and romantic (emotional) attraction. It sounds to me like you're bisexual (attracted sexually to men and women) and homoromantic (attracted emotionally to men).
I'm unsure if these "hook ups" are some coping thing because I miss my "bro crush" Travis. I've talked about him a lot here and "lost" him, he's not hangin out with me and just dabbling in hard drugs and lost contact with me. I had affection and feelings for him I never expressed towards him except long hugs, brushing/petting his hair once. I miss him but I give up trying to restablish something with him because he's just in his own la la land of bullshit. I dealt with the weed and the alcohol while we lived on campus because they were parameters an we lived close. I had affection and love him. When he left my life, if left a void for me. And with the whole psych hospital stay because of my anxiety med weren't working, I had some realization I'm 24, bi, virgin, and missing out in life. Maybe that was a spark to experiment with guys plus maybe the Celexa increasing my sex desire somewhat are factors plus missing Travis I'm confused. I'm not gay but I see myself as a bi romantic with homosexual activity. I desire girls but never had sex with them. I masturbate to girls and female athletes. I looked at Shawn Johnson's gymanstics photos from 2008-2011 and got turned on. So I do desire girls just never had sex. Maybe I'm bi/homo romantic. It's hard to label myself. I haven't told my parents I've had homoerotic experiences yet because I'm afraid of the stigma. My parents were raised during a conservative Mexican American household in the 50s/60s with Catholic upbringing. They aren't all bible thumping Catholics. My mom is somewhat moderate in views on lgbt. My dad is slightly conservative, that's based on experiences in his life regarding LGBT. I've told my mom I was bi/bi curious but she slightly freaked out. I told her about the "close bromance" between me and Travis, and I would not have mind if he and I had sex. She was little freaked out. Maybe I had pressure from my dad growing up of being a "man" and getting a girl. I feel like a "man" despite these homosexual encounters and bi sode. I feel like I'm negotiating my masculinity because I prefer younger guys or girls in relationships. I myself as the older(masculine) and my partner/lover/younger/bro pal as the younger(feminine). Not feminine as they are actually just as a construct of subordinate. If I were the younger in a relationship of some kind, I see myself as the weak(feminine) role. Maybe that's why I've yearned so hard for younger friends because I've desired masculinity( power) or negotiating my masculinity.
