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In a lesbian relationship but questioning...

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jadams8, Feb 19, 2016.

  1. jadams8

    Regular Member

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    Need some help or advice...

    I am a female, 27 years old. I am in my first relationship with a woman. We have been together for a little over 2 years. Before her I had always been in relationships with men. I had hooked up with a couple of girls before her but no other female relationships.

    I love my girlfriend very much. We have known each other a long time and so maybe it is the comfort level. We get along great. It would seem to be perfect to many people, however... I find myself quite often thinking about family and kids (I guess its that time) and i find it really hard to see all of that with her. I was very close with my father growing up so it is hard for me to imagine my children not growing up with a father as well. I don't know if these are normal feelings. I don't know what to do. I love her and ending our relationship would be devastating for both parties but I can't stop thinking about the future.

    Any advice? Or thoughts of relief?
     
  2. Really

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    Hi jadams8,

    Welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    Have you talked to your gf about having kids? You, of course, know you two can have them, right? Maybe you can't picture it because you haven't been exposed to images of a two mommy family. Have you seen this YouTube channel? The camera work isn't great but it might make you feel better about the scenario.

    As for having a father, I totally get what you're saying. I also loved my dad a great deal. But was it because they were men or because of who they were? This is obviously hard to imagine and separate but it's what we knew. Your kids will know two moms and love each of you all the same. I'm sure you do or will have male role models to call upon if necessary but I don't think kids miss what they've never had. If you give them love and security and confidence, I'm not sure what they'd be missing.
     
  3. jadams8

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    Thank you for your response! Yes we have talked about kids a few times. I do know we can have them, yes. I guess the part that I am most nervous about is that male figure in their life. I have no doubt that we would love those children unconditionally I just don't want them to miss out. I learned a lot from my father. And to be perfectly honest I'm also just worried about schools things. I don't want my children to get bullied or have a hard time because of our lifestyle. Am I crazy?
     
  4. Lin1

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    Hey, I can kind of see where you are coming from. :slight_smile:

    I am bi but leaning more towards women and while I have no trouble picturing myself having and raising children with another woman, I can't quite get rid of the idea of having a male figure for my children to look up to.

    Unlike you I don't really have great memories with my dad and I think that's why, I want my possible children to have a positive male figure around.

    Many lesbians couple chose to go through sperm donation with a gay male or a gay couple that also want kids and that will want to share custody of the children so that they kids have both a mother (actually 2) and a father in their life. Have you considered that option ?
    If that would not be an option for you or your partner you can also realize that plenty of kids don't have a father in their life and are happy. The male figure can actually be whoever you want him to be. It doesn't have to be a 'dad'. It can be 'uncle Tom' or 'Godfather Jack' . It really doesn't have to be 'daddy'. :slight_smile: