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Am I actually gay?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Phee, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Phee

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Slovenia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So I've considered myself bisexual since...well, actually since I found out what does it mean.
    Especially in the past few years I kinda found myself slightly more attracted to girls, physically. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and I do love him - I feel a very strong emotional connection, I love his personality, I find him beautiful and I know for sure he feels it too. I also know he's strongly attracted to my body, but more I'm thinking about it and experiencing it, less I...well, feel anything about male body.
    We haven't had sex yet, but I do feel turned on when we're making out and when he's touching me, but I'm starting to think it's more about touching itself than the fact it's HIM touching me, if that makes any sense. I kinda...don't want an intercourse. Not in the way that I wouldn't be ready or something but like, I don't want it at all. From any guy, never. And I don't know why because I never even thought I could be gay. When I think about it now - I find him, or some other men pretty, I guess, but it's not the same kind of 'pretty' as I feel about women. I don't think I could say it does nothing to me...but I don't think that's what I should feel when I'm in fact seriously in love with him in every other way but sexual. And it's making me really, really confused, especially because I feel I could really build something special with this guy. But...fantasizing about women at the same time? It feels very wrong and I'm really becoming unsure about myself.
     
  2. SHACH

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2015
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    949
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    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I understand this... I've always had feelings for men but once I accepted my feelings for women I'm slowly realiseing that it's just a different stronger feeling and like maybe I'm gay... But as you said, the fact that I can't say I don't feel something about men keeps me feeling like I should be in that sort of bisexual territory despite not feeling any great desire to have sex with a man.

    However, I think if you're really in love with this guy you should give it a chance a bit longer, I mean... perhaps because you feel so strongly about him you have too many high hopes about what you should feel sexually? Also... your reality will rarely live up to your fantasy whether you're with a man or a woman, so perhaps the reality of him is not always as exciting as the fantasy of women... but that doesn't mean your not sexually attracted to him. Nevertheless... many gay people of past generations have been married to the opposite sex for years and have great love for their spouse despite the lack of sexual attraction... this could also be a similar situation. If you really can't reconcile the idea of having sex with him, then you will probably need to talk to him and hope that you can still be friends, because he is obviously special to you.

    I hope something I said in that is something you can think over and get something out of. I'd also like to reitorate that I'm feeling similar confusion about my bisexuality, so we're in the same boat there, which I always feel is comforting. And I hope other people on this forum can help you more with this problem, cos it's a hard one, for sure.