I consider myself masculine despite identifying to close people as being bi sexual why? : I don't see myself as feminine to a degree. : I prefer younger people(guys or girls) a few younger than me. : I feel that being the oldest is claiming my masculinity compared to the younger(feminine) role. I mean I don't see the younger person if it's a guy as feminine, it's more of a psychological construct I've made. I mean I've felt that if I were in a relationship with a guy or whatever who was older than me, I would feel weak and lose my masculinity as a construct and appear(feminine/weak) : The past couple of years, I've befriended in some degree with people younger than me within 1-3 years or so. And despite bullshit and such, I did have some good and bad times with younger people. I've just felt some degree of power and masculinity interwoven. : I felt that since I nearly really had a good teenage/high school time I've yearned to be "young"(act late teenish) and then having a shitty undergrad college social life, I've yearned to do a college redux(college 2.0) social life at times. With my brief sexual encounters I've had with guys the past week, I've appeared that I'm negotiating my masculinity as a social construct. I may appear to the general population as "not a man" because I'm not with a girl. I call bullshit, because I appear to see myself a "man" because I see myself as the masculine one not the younger(feminine) role. I just want to the oldest because I desire a younger partner(girl or guy) to protect, to hold, to love, to support, and never let them down. I want to support them with love/affection/praise/pleasure and such.
How you view yourself (your gender identity) shouldn't have any implications on your sexual orientation. They are two separate, albeit intimate, aspects of human nature that nevertheless interact with each other. I think this is an important thing to distinguish because a discourse about gender identity might (further) confuse your own understanding of your sexuality. My advice for you now is to open up your mind to new definitions of yourself. If you truly know and accept yourself, there's no compromise.
I just want to the oldest because I desire a younger partner(girl or guy) to protect, to hold, to love, to support, and never let them down. I want to support them with love/affection/praise/pleasure and such. that line really gets me _ you seem a nice guy tho
You know, I get the male envy, that is why I can't see myself having a LTR with any man (besides that I don't feel anything sexual about the 95% of them). Now, about the construction of 'feminity', I want to point out to some fact : There are out there men who are compassionate, and who can do feelings, and those things have nothing to do with that 'feminine/vulnerable/weak' side you spoke about. I wish we can see some day that when men do feelings, they do way better than women... Just out of the simple fact that nobody would understand you better than another man, and same goes for women... Only another woman really knows how you feel, and what are you talking about. I doubt men and women get along together, I really do, and those games you are talking about never gave me any feeling of 'being a man' : I don't need the validation of women, I need my own validation. I feel rather under pressure, and I don't think to compromise myself, or change any part of myself just because of a woman. To me a woman, or to please society is not worth that sacrifice.
I've often wondered myself if being gay and preferring the passive role in anal sex makes me any less of a man. I have several "effeminate" habits (limp wrist, occasional lisp, adding the word 'super' in front of certain words) and while I'm a big guy who looks like a biker, I'm still pretty obviously gay, even if my parents don't realize/don't care when I'm clearly trying to hide it, extremely poorly.
Hrm. Not trying to rain on your parade here and if you really want this, then ok. But, speaking from experience... Treating someone as weaker or otherwise lesser than you because they are younger (because when you say someone needs your protection and support simply on the basis of age with no other evidence, that is basically what you are doing) stands an excellent chance of ending very badly. I was in a 3yr relationship with someone who was significantly older and who eventually tried to pull the 'I'm older so you need to do what I say' card. When I got done laughing in his face I more or less told him there was no F**KING way that was going to happen. I had already lived a rather...interesting life by that point and having someone essentially dismiss that accumulated life experience simply on the basis of having ridden this rock around the sun a few more times was both insulting and ridiculous (especially given how much I've seen older people screw up on any number of levels in my life). The relationship rapidly went down hill from there and ended shortly thereafter. Coming at this from another direction -by taking on the sole role of 'protector and supporter' you seem to be closing the door on being protected and supported yourself - and there will be times when you will want/need support or protection (or the feeling of it anyway) in your life. Shouldering the whole responsibility for that kind of thing in a relationship is both unnecessary and unhealthy. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and stress and eventually even resentment toward your partner if it starts to feel like you are carrying all the burdens and they aren't 'pulling their weight'. I would suggest that a more productive approach to this might be to seek someone who can be your equal and your partner - each of you bringing different positive aspects to a relationship to create something that is more than either of you individually. That includes being there to support (and protect) each other if/when you need it. As far as whether or not that is 'masculine' or not. I don't really give a crap, and if someone wants to give me or mine grief about it - well, it's been a while since I pinned someone to a wall by their neck and squeezed, but I'm sure it's just like riding a bicycle. Todd
Well I'm pretty much the opposite of you! I prefer being the younger and protected one. I prefer having a feminine role in a LTR. Like you said you don't like being viewed as 'not the man' in the relationship I don't like being viewed as 'the man' in the relationship! All this said , I'm not very physically feminine, so I end up not liking a lot of guys who are more feminine or smaller than me. But I'd like you to know that , even though this is how I'd like it and I speak for most of the people who like it this way, id still want to feel equal , respected and in control of the relationship ! So yes, evidently there are guys who would like to be the lady in the relationship and you will find them! Yes gender and sexual orientation are discreet! But they are so closely interwoven , it does overlap!
My boyfriend and I were talking about something similar a while back. He told me he thinks that he's the feminine one in the relationship because of the he likes it when I wrap my arms around him (and truth be told, I too like to wrap my arms around my significant other). He was being a little negative about it. Truth be told, for a LTR, I tend to go towards feminine guys. I'm not saying that I do not find masculine guys unattractive (because that's definitely a lie), but I've found myself falling for guys that tend to be more feminine. I do tend to be more masculine than my boyfriend, yes, but I do not look at him in a masculine or feminine manner: I look at him as my boyfriend. We both look at each other as equals so that we may grow together. I do not wish to look at our relationship in a masculine competition; I just want to love him, as he wishes to love me.
