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Lesbian? Confused

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by gemstar, Feb 24, 2016.

  1. gemstar

    Regular Member

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    Hi everyone,

    I'm hoping someone may have some insight or advice for me.

    I'm a 29yr old Female from Australia. I have up until relatively recently thought of myself as straight. I have not been in a real relationship with anybody of any gender (boyfriend when I was 17 but that really doesn't count as nothing happened). At the time of my "relationship" when I was 17 I was uncomfortable with him touching me (holding me hand etc). He once tried to kiss me and it was yuck. I have thought I was asexual/ or similar for a few years as i dont seem to experience much attraction to people. I have always had an issue with men where I dont like or trust them. This is deeply in grained in me and seems instinctual (there is no serious trauma in my past). I seem to be repulsed by men in general. Men dont seem to like me, so I had gotten used to accepting I would be along for my life.

    Reading about asexuality, I found out about the different types of attraction (sexual, Romantic etc). I still dont know if I have experienced sexual attraction. I struggle with the definitions. I have noticed that I have always be unable of imaging a life with a male partner. Up until recently I had never though, what about a female partner. Recently i asked myself this question and low and behold, I can imagine my life (I can see it) with a same sex partner. This was a high shock for me and it excited me to think maybe I wont have to be alone forever. It was like an unveiling of a curtain I didn't know was down. I have now started taking notice of myself around females, and I am much more comfortable around them and notice their physical attrubutes. I have watched lesbian porn and can see myself being intimate with a female. Im confused. any help would be great.
     
  2. marcelinevin

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    You don't have to experience sexual attraction to be a lesbian. You could be an asexual lesbian, for instance. I know lots of women who identify with that. I think that if you can only see yourself in a relationship with a woman then you could definitely use the word lesbian for yourself. You don't have to be completely sure or have something set in stone to think about using it. Maybe try thinking of yourself with that label for a while and see how it feels? And then if it feels wrong you can start thinking about it more again. What you're saying sounds very similar to how I've felt before.
     
    #2 marcelinevin, Feb 25, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2016
  3. Invidia

    Invidia Guest

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    I think you're doing the right thing for yourself by allowing yourself to consider the possibilities and to sneak some looks at girls at etc. (teehee!) Experimenting with your feelings, i.e. consciously feeding them with stimuli and see how you automatically react, is a good way to figure out your own attractions.

    Another tip: Fantasy>Porn when it comes to figuring out your attractions. You can fantasize about sex or a relationship with a girl. Or you could write a short story if that's your cup of tea, about two girls falling in love, see how it feels.

    Keep experimenting! Life is often one big experiment, so might as well go with the flow.

    Good luck! xx
     
  4. gemstar

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    Thanks everyone for your replies. They have been very helpful :icon_bigg