Hey guys, I would like some opinions and advice... So I've realised over the past 6 months(ish) that I'm both sexually and romantically attracted to women. I thought I was straight before, so it's been a bit of a journey to where I am now, but I'm still confused... sorry if this is TMI. So I thought I was straight, fancied boys, dated them in school but then over the past few years I've not been interested in anyone. I've only ever slept with one guy and although it was consensual, I was disinterested when it came to penetration. It didn't feel good, and not in the "its your first time it'll be uncomfortable and awkward" kind of way. With girls, I am fully sexually attracted to them and romantically, whereas I am attracted to men and want to do basically everything but penetration with them, so I came to the conclusion that I'm heteromantic homosexual. I think. So my question is do any of you have similar experiences, and what advice would you have for someone who really doesn't want to have to explain this whole thing to anyone I came out to. (I just think that label is too long but I'm not sure if I like the label bisexual either) I also know that you don't have to label yourself, and I'm down with that, but 1. I'm just curious for your advice and 2. I know people will think I'm being pretentious or something if I say "I'm not about labels", etc. ridiculous I know. Thanks in advance
I'm getting two different sexuality vibes here but it sounds to me that you're Bisexual (I was skeptical about this label too, before i decided it wasnt right for me) both emotionally and sexually attracted to men and women, you just dont like the idea of penetration, which is completely normal. everyone has different preferances when it comes to sex! Either that or Homoromantic Bisexual (which I am). Meaning you are both sexually and emotionally attracted to women, but also "sexually" attracted to men, which could also be just a physical attraction with nothing to do with sex! Correct me if im wrong about any of this, but id be more than happy to discuss your situation with you!
Hi lunalu Welcome to EC :welcome: Congratulations on coming out to yourself. I also tried on a number of different orientations during my journey, including bisexual, Kinsey 5, homoflexible, and homoromantic bisexual. Now I identify as gay but will use Kinsey 5 on EC when more precision is required. Another thing that I learned along the way is that there is no credible scientific evidence for the division of sexual and romantic orientations. Thus homoromantic bisexual is not a recognized orientation, which is why I no longer use it. Having said that, the homoromantic part resonated with me because I could not see myself in a relationship with a woman again, so it helped to clarify my thought process around my bisexuality. Here is my view on labels. Labels are useful because they give you permission to embrace your sexuality. When I first came out to myself as gay, the label gave me permission to act and feel gay. Labels are also a short hand for communication. By identifying as gay, it's pretty clear that I like other guys sexually and romantically, and I don't have to explain Kinsey 5. As for your use of heteromantic homosexual, let's take the unrecognized label question off the table and see if this label helps your thought process. I'm not sure why you picked "heteromantic". From what you've written, you are attracted to women romantically as well, so I think "biromantic" would be the correct term to use. It sounds like you there are a number of sexual activities you would want to do with guys (anything but penetrative sex), so I think that you do have sexual interest in men. Remember that any stimulation of genitals qualifies as sex. Therefore I think you are attracted sexually to both sexes so you are bisexual rather than homosexual. Since you appear to be sexually and romantically attracted to both sexes, you are probably a Kinsey 5 bisexual. HTH
The simplest solution is "Well, I like both guys and girls" If pressed, you can add "... in different ways." That neatly avoids pretense, unrecognized labels, and everything else. The truth is, if you know who you are, that's really all that matters, and it's nobody else's business unless you *want* to share it with them, and even then, how much you share is up to you.
It's possible you might just be a normal bisexual, but it depends. So you don't want to be penetrated by guys (vaginally)? What about anal, oral, manual sex, or sex usages of sex toys with men? If you would do any of these, you are a bisexual that dislikes penetration, if all of these are a turn-off then you are probably a lesbian sexually.
thanks everyone for your advice - i think i used heteromantic homosexual in the wrong way, my bad... so yeah i would probably be biromantic homosexual if i were to use that type of label. i think i will go with "i like guys and girls" and leave it at that when telling people
If you enjoy sexual activities with guys (except for penetration), even "biromantic homosexual" is technically incorrect. So going with "i like guys and girls" is perfect
