Hello there, it has been a while since I've come here, but for the first time in ages, I find myself questioning my sexuality? It's not super important to me, but it's something I'd like to at least be sure of. Sorry if my writing seems scrambled, by the way. I know for sure that I am at least along the lines of pan-romantic (leaning homo-romantic). It had only vaguely occurred to me in the past, but now I am more seriously pondering that I may actually be asexual(or at least on the spectrum), rather than pansexual. Though in the past, when I had first thought about this, a former close friend had told me that it was very likely that I was not asexual, them being demisexual their self. Despite this, I'm reluctant to dismiss this possibility. What had spurred this thought is that I had observed that I am actually more indifferent when it comes to attraction to people, and that it may not even be directed to the people themselves at all. I noticed that when with my ex, I was more attracted to the thought of them liking/wanting to be with me than anything else (aka, I was enjoying receiving the affection than anything else). I have also come to the realization that I may also not be interested in either male or female anatomy at all. TMI/ Although I occasionally enjoy reading explicit sensual stories/, I find I have no interest in actually experiencing those things myself, as sexual images make me feel immensely uncomfortable. It's more of a fantasy than anything else. I would be fine with a romantic relationship, though I would be reluctant to become sexually involved with them. I would participate, but I don't need it and wouldn't seek it out. So considering the above observations, is it more likely that I am asexual(spectrum) or pansexual(as previously thought)? I'd like to hear some opinions. :smilewave
Do you ever feel horny or aroused? Do you ever feel urge to have sex? Do you masturbate and if so do you have any fantasies? I guess these are the important questions.
To those questions I have to say: 1.Very rarely at all, and when it's happen it's very mild and I just ignore it. 2. Nope. 3. Tried a few times and it did nothing for me. No fantasies.
Hello Nothing I have seen in your post has pointed towards being asexual but nothing suggests that you aren't either. Being aroused, masturbating and actually enjoying/wanting to have sex is nothing to do with being asexual that is more to do with your libido. There are asexuals who do these things. Asexuality is experiencing no sexual attraction. So if you never feel any sexual attraction towards anyone then you're asexual.
My second post was just answering questions. I know it doesn't have to do with attraction, I was just clarifying to another user. I'm pretty sure I did touch on the topic of attraction in my first post. To further clarify in simpler terms, I feel pretty indifferent to other people. I had been more attracted to receiving the romantic affection, rather than the person.
It depends on whose definition you're using. If you're using the widely accepted definition, then there's no question the OP does not meet the criteria. If you're using the unrecognized definition that has no basis or anything to ground it in, promoted by a tiny group of people, then practically anyone can meet the definition. Again, not correct if we're using the widely accepted and useful definition. When one is exploring one's sexuality it is generally useful, when figuring out where one fits, to have an understanding of where one is. The widely accepted definition of asexuality is a hardwired orientation, no different than homo- or heterosexuality. It is someone who simply feels no connection to, or desire for, sexual experience, behavior, attraction, at all. Here's why the widely-used definition can be helpful: People who feel a discomfort with the idea sexual experience are almost certainly not experiencing the effects of a hardwired trait. More likely, there's something going on that has essentially programmed that experience. And so the lack of connection to sexual experience is something that could potentially be changed. At least according to Brené Brown's research, as a species, we are wired for connection; it is why we are here. That being the case, experiencing the connection that comes from sexual intimacy is a part of that connection. So, at least for those interested in exploring the idea, if there's something that is potentially changeable that could allow us to experience that level of connection, it's worthwhile at least exploring that idea. When we adopt a label that says we are simply not wired for that (which is what asexuality means, using the accepted definitions), we essentially rule out the opportunity to consider this could be transient rather than permanent, and potentially lose opportunity. Now... if one has already been through the process of exploring and found that there's simply no interest... or if one has no interest in going through that process and is happy and fulfilled where they are, then there's no reason not to adopt the asexual label. It is simply important for people to understand themselves and make the decision that's right for them without locking themselves into something based on someone else's opinion. Only you can decide what you are, and in doing so, you deserve to have the best understanding possible of the possibilities in order to make that decision.
I think that the most difficult aspect of figuring this out is the huge variety of definitions that are around. I find it confusing and am not sure which definition to believe. At this point I think every person would have a different stance and would oppose the others, and therefore I would never get a solid answer. That and I also have difficulty properly expressing how I feel, to make matters more difficult.
If you are serious about finding about answers to this question I suggest you consult a doctor and a psychologist. The doctor can check if there is any abnormality in your bodily functions where as a psychologist can probe if you have some repressed inhibitions or depression etc.
I highly doubt there is anything wrong with my body. I have a history of chronic anxiety, but I think that's the only thing that I can think of that could affect my libido. Even during my most severe anxiety, I've always been able to be slightly aroused by erotic fiction. It's not that my sex drive is not there, it's more that it's really weak. The fact that it's weak doesn't bother me.
OK. Then your "condition" (if we can even call it that way) lies in the sexual desire axis. Some people naturally have lower sex drive than others. It might be that you are one of them. Asexuality means complete lack of such desire.
It's also worth noting that anxiety, by itself, has as one of its principal side effects a decrease or complete elimination of sex drive and arousal. So it's highly likely this is the root of the lack of sexual feelings. There's also the issue of whether there are underlying issues from earlier in life that could be at the root of the anxiety. These, too, can impact one's view about sex and sexual intimacy. The good news is, by being open and exploring, it's highly likely this is completely resolvable.
I must point out that I have already addressed the topic of my anxiety, and I know for sure that it hasn't impacted my sex drive (Which has been consistent since I became sexually mature). On top of that, having a low sex drive does not phase me in the slightest. I am very aware of my mental illness and how it affects me. It is not a factor.
I had never asked about my sex drive or anxiety. As far as that is concerned, it's irrelevant to the topic of identifying sexual attraction (or lack of) towards others (Which is the whole idea of sexual orientation). I've also already pointed out that having a low sex drive is a non-issue for me. I don't know what's skewing people into thinking orientation has anything to do with needing sexual release...? There's plenty of asexuals out there who are happy to masturbate whenever they feel, and others who don't feel the need to. I don't see why my initial question needs to be complicated as such. It's a simple question whether indifference is a legitimate form of non-attraction (asexuality, and included spectrum) in other peoples' eyes. This was pretty blatant in the first line of the description I provided. The rest was just examples. Since no one seemed to be able to come up with a simple response based off of reliable facts, I'll be looking elsewhere for answers now.
Your initial question was complicated - hence complicated answers. First and foremost, no one here can tell you if you are truly pansexual or asexual. I think you spelled it out in your first statement where you explain that you feel pan-romantic leaning toward homo-romantic, but feel as though you might be asexual. Is having had no want or need to have sex, and the absence of spontaneous sexual attraction, part of your average definition of pansexual? No. Those who define their orientation as pansexual do so because they have the capacity to be sexually attracted to anyone, it's just how they feel about a particular person, despite genitalia or gender. What you're saying does sound more along the lines of being somewhere on the asexual spectrum. You say you don't have much attraction for people, ever masterbate, or want sex, though you'd participate in it for the right person. All of this can mean a million things, of which those who offered suggestions here were trying to help you with since you did come to this forum and ask people what they thought you should define yourself as. There's a possibility that anxiety does cause you not crave or think much about sex. There's a possibility that you haven't met someone who's sparked your fancy enough to want to get physically intimate with. There's the possibility that sex isn't something that does anything for you. If you never crave sex or want that feeling, I'd stick to my previous statement that you're on the asexual spectrum. There are asexuals who masterbate and/or participate in sex for their partner. Sexuality is complicated, so unfortunately, no one here can give you a definitive definition of what your orientation is. Perhaps just live your life and go with the flow for now.
