Ok, this may turn into a bit of a long story.... So I know for sure that I am attracted to women, I am hesitant to say Bisexual, or Pansexual because I am not really a huge fan of labels. I am currently in a relationship with a man and I am starting to really question whether or not I am attracted to him or if I just enjoy being in a relationship because I guess I feel safe. He is a great guy and amazing in every way, he cares so much about me and I feel that way about him as well. The thing is, I'm not sure that I feel much of an attraction to him at all. We have been together for over six months and we still haven't had sex which makes me a bit nervous because I think it is a little strange to have been together that long without being intimate. We have fooled around together but the thing is, it doesn't really make me feel anything. Like when he is touching me I just attempt to be into it but I inevitably just begin to get uncomfortable and I want the experience to be over. He has yet to be able to get me off, but the thing is I can masturbate to orgasm very easily myself. I have gotten him off as well but I feel like I did it more to just make him feel good, but honestly the idea of touching him just makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Even just kissing doesn't really do much for me. Is this normal, any advice would really help!! (I feel like its not normal, you should be attracted to your partner) This is the only relationship that I have ever been in and I have only ever kissed one person and that is him. Lately I have been feeling like I want to be with a women and kiss a girl just so I know how that feels as well. I guess I just want to make that comparison because lately I have been thinking that I may actually be a lesbian and only attracted to women. I have heard of other people having a moment when they kiss another girl and they are like "Oh yeah, thats what I have been missing with boys..." The thing is in order to kiss a girl I either need to cheat on my boyfriend or break up with him. The thing is this guy is amazing so I would hate to do that and find out that I am feeling how I am supposed to feel. Im just really confused over this. I am also not out to my boyfriend so this would be completely out of left field for him.
I swear I could have written this myself. I've tried over and over to make relationships work with guys. And it hasn't worked. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months, and I have no sexual urge with him. I was happy for the first 2 months but as we got intimate I just hated all the sexual stuff. And when I think back to my first time with a guy, I didn't enjoy it. And from then on I kept trying, but after a year of trying with guys, I don't think I actually had any real attraction to guys. When it comes to women though, the kissing is phenomonal. If a girl just touches my leg I get chills. I always check out women, and I have only fallen in love with a girl. My boyfriend is absolutely wonderful. But I think I'm going to leave him soon, so he doesn't find out on his own and get more hurt. And even though I don't want to hurt him, Im realizing it's better to leave and find yourself than stay and be unhappy. Not to mention it's also not fair to him to stay and lead him on.
Hi, I've been married, divorced now, had a relationship years ago with a woman. I thought i was staight, then I've spent ages thinking I must be bi...but it's shifted again, I think I am gay. The kissing a girl comment made me smile.....WOW! it is awesome! Phenomenal sums it up! I have never had such powerful orgasms as I did with her. Breaking up is hard but you only get one life. Your right it's tough but long term kinder not to let him go on thinking everything is ok. Post how you both get on.
Hey, thank you for the advice and stories everyone. They were really helpful to me its nice to know that I am not alone in feeling this way. I ended up deciding to break up with my boyfriend because it is not really fair to either of us to be in the relationship anymore. It was probably the most difficult conversation I have ever had. I definitely broke his heart a bit on that one but I think that we both will be better for it. Before breaking up with him Ii had a discussion with my best friend about this finally and I ended up coming out to her which was something that I had wanted to do for a very long time and she responded extremely positively which I knew she would but I guess before that I was still very scared. In that moment I felt so much relief and it was actually an amazing night and not one that I will ever forget, I am so fortunate to have someone in my life who is so accepting. So overall I think that it ended up being a really good experience for me, I went through periods of being sad but honestly I just really needed to be single again I think. Its been about three weeks now since we broke up and I am just feeling so much better now. I am excited for what the summer holds for me coming up here and maybe I will meet a special lady who knows. Thanks everyone for all of your help!
I think we can all relate to your struggles in one way or another. From reading your story, I'd say, you're not being fair to this guy. Its not fair to use him as a crutch or to be in a relationship that you are not 100% committed to. You're not being fair to yourself either from what I've read. I was in a similar situation, however developing feelings for a friend. I dated a great guy just to try & mask it rather than face the reality that I had feelings for another woman, which was a first for me, but I wasn't being fair on the guy, so I had to end things as gently as possible. It wasn't nice & its certainly not easy, but trust me, its always better to be honest and be open. I think sexuality is fluid, certainly for females. I don't think gender should be an issue. It is easier and more acceptable these days, but it doesn't make it any easier for us who are affected be the realisation or confusion of these matters. If you're not sexually attracted to someone, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with them, regardless of their gender. Its not fair to anyone involved!
