I'm here to sort some things out. For the vast majority of my life I've had difficulty figuring myself out. Maybe some of you can help. I'm a man in my early 30s I've only ever been attracted to women (sexually and romantically) I've only had sexual relationships with women I don't feel overtly masculine, nor feminine I don't often get along with very straight men and women. Bro culture and vane femininity is kind of abhorrent to me I view both sexes as equals I'm friendly with men and women Despite being exclusively attracted to women, I don't feel straight, but I don't feel bi or gay either Typically my closest friends end up being bisexual My wife is bisexual Sometimes people assume I'm gay I've tried kissing a dude a few times, but it never felt right I was raised in a female dominated house hold My interests often have a connection with non-straight culture (punk, art, art house film) My sex drive is based on my mood I've had a few embarrassing situations where I could not get errect because I wasn't in the mood. This has happened on first date scenarios. I've been called or perceived as gay as a result to some of these scenarios. I could be considered an anxious person. I have an overall disdain for the majority of people. ---------- Post added 26th Feb 2016 at 06:15 AM ---------- I think that last bit is a result of always feeling largely out of place with just about any peer group.
I'm kind of unsure of what you're looking for. Are you questioning your gender identity or your sexuality? A lot of the things you mentioned have very little to do with gender identity and the side bar says that you're questionning your sexual orientation so I'm going to go with that, correct me if I've misinterpreted. You've said that kissing guys never really felt right and you're exclusively attracted to women and not men at all? That leads me to think that you're straight. Would you be able to expand on what it is that you're unsure about?
That would be agender and as for you sexuality it sounds like you would have to use the kinzey scale to rate what you arae
Gender identity really comes down to how you feel inside. If you don't identify with any gender, then it is likely that you are agender. But, like the first poster said, it seems that you are getting sexuality, gender identity, and social roles all mixed together. This is something that is easy to do, since many people see them all as one category. I would pick one, and focus on that first. This may help you not be as confused.
More than likely you are male and straight who hates straight culture and doesn't fit in with it. It's more common than you think considering how limiting straight culture is. The definition of heterosexual is: someone who is exclusively attracted to the opposite sex. That's it. Nothing to do with gender roles or culture norms. A heterosexual man can like dresses, makeup, and shoving objects up his ass. A heterosexual woman can refuse to shave her legs and be more attracted to feminine males than macho ones. Likewise, a gay man can be super macho, never shave anything, be very dominant/'bro' like, a misogynist, and even a homophobe who hates the LGBT community. These are traits unrelated to sexuality and gender.
You have nothing to worry about. It's just that society has a very strict conception about gender roles. Many people don't fit in these roles. For example my husband is very straight but he is also quite nerdy and doesn't like usual masculine things like cars, sports etc. Although if i asked, i doubt that he would feel himself feminine either. He also doesn't have any masculine friends because he just doesn't have anything common with those people. And that's ok, there are so many different types of people and you usually still find friends among your kind of people. It doesn't mean anything if other people think you are gay. They only see the world trough stereotypes and if you don't fit them (or fit to the "wrong" ones), they think you are gay. But based on what you wrote it seems that you are straight, you don't seem to have even a slight curiosity towards men. And about not being able to perform in bedroom.. Many men are having those problems. Men are quite sensitive, for example stress or alcohol can greatly affect to it. Or maybe you were nervous and too self conscious, especially it being the first date. That is perfectly normal. You just need to find your kind of people and have fun. It is sometimes very hard if your interests are in some marginal things but i assure you, there are always other people who like the same things.
This is helpful. It's nice to speak openly about these uncertainties and get genuine responses. At the core, I feel like I can identify with bisexual people more often than any other sexual orientation, but I'm probably straight. When it comes to gender identity, how do you identify what gender to which you feel you belong? I can't tell if my confusion stems from not cleanly fitting into some racial or sexual category from a socio-normative context, or if it's simply that I don't really feel overtly masculine or feminine. I think I feel like more of a dude but something definitely makes me feel different. ---------- Post added 26th Feb 2016 at 10:06 PM ---------- Side note. That cat gif is pretty epic.
