I hate being confused. Any advice is appreciated. So, I'm a 33/F from an immigrant family, who won't approve of homosexuality. My parents are desperate to get me married ASAP to a man from their country. I have always liked men and women, since age 12. It's been a struggle to decide who I like better. I've been trying to date men and please other people around me to get married. I definitely do like SOME men sexually, but relationships with them and falling in love have been so difficult. I also tend to get a lot of anxiety around men for some reason when I date them. I've had my fair share of verbal and emotional abuse from people, who tell me that I'm not good enough for men. Trust me, I've read so many dating books and have gotten therapy. Nothing really seems to work on helping me find Mr.Right. If anything, there has been a lot of trauma (including sexual abuse and rape) associated with the male gender for me. When it comes to bisexual/lesbian women, I'm just amazed at how they shower me with compliments and how it's soooo easy to build an emotional connection with them. There's one problem though. There are certain things that I can't do with them sexually. I'm attracted to women and like their bodies, but they don't have...you know what. Other than that, I do feel good with bisexual and lesbian women overall. One of my bisexual friends confessed that she was madly in love with me, but I kept telling her how I was under so much pressure to find a man. Looking back, it 's amazing to see how someone easily fell in love with me exactly as I was. If relationships with men aren't working out, I wonder if it's time to just admit that maybe women are a better match for me. My parents will be really unhappy, as well as the immigrant community that I'm a part of. It's unheard of for a woman in my culture to say that she fell in love with a woman. I hate disappointing people. Any advice or input? Is it normal to feel like women appreciate you more than men? Is it weird that I still like a male penis, but don't connect with them emotionally?
So. You're not straight. Congratulations! Now you get to try and work out what label fits....bi, gay, queer, lesbian. Considering you apparently like sex with men...or at least their penises but you also like women, maybe you are bi? Spend some time thinking about those labels...and if none seem to fit, give yourself more time. Maybe go on a date with this woman if she's still around...see how that feels to you? Have a second look at women around you and see what happens? it's your life, you get to choose what you do with it, and if being with a woman is right for you, then go for it. As for marrying a man, it's a lot harder to work yourself out once married.... You're only 33. You have plenty of time to figure this out. Just let yourself think about it. Go for a walk in a crowded area and just let your mind wander. Who do you find yourself looking at? Women or men? Which feels better to look at? Who can you imagine being in a relationship with? And don't look at it as having to have sex with a woman on the first date...you don't have to. It's about seeing what fits you. You may surprise yourself when you meet a woman you are very attracted to....
I've always identified as bi, but people can be rude. It's hard when straight people are lecturing you on how you have to choose one gender and how you can't have both. I've had straight women say, "you're never going to marry a man, if you like both genders." I've also had men tell me, "Most men aren't going to marry you, if you're bi. They think you're a cheater." Gee, thanks. I definitely check out women a LOT. I love, love and love big breasts, small waists and hips. But, certain men turn me on too. The men that turn me are in a minority. I would love to be with the right guy, but that just hasn't happened. I hear so many complaints from women on how men can't meet their emotional needs. Without mental stimulation, it's hard for me to feel strongly attracted to someone. I keep thinking that maybe a woman is my ultimate dream partner. It just will suck if I can't give a blowjob (no pun intended). Yeah, I'm revisiting exploring bisexual women. I want to go on dates and just connect. No pressure.
You should stop worring so much about the others. I mean, I know you care about your family and your community, but that's YOUR life and you must do what is better for YOU. I also think it's easier to be in a relationship with a girl than with a guy, i just feel more comfortable with girls, don't really know why. If you feel the same way and think that you would be happier with a girl, just go for it. Give a chance to you bi friend. It may upset your family, but you'll find people and a whole community that will be there for you and will support you. Just think about what makes you happier.
It's hard when people make such rude comments. I had to break off a friendship (she didn't want to be friends with me either), because her and her husband kept saying, "do you like women more than men? we know you're a lesbian. You just don't know it yet. You never talk about guys.You're so confused. Do you find my husband attractive?" I'm a sensitive person, so I don't need to be around negative energy. They were also pressuring me to choose one gender. It's very uncomfortable. I admit that I do have some anger towards heterosexuals. Their comments feel like they're invading my body. What's wrong with just enjoying life and seeing what your experiences bring you?
Yeah, I have to say, the prospect of dating women has made me feel a lot more confident than chasing guys. As you say, a lot of queer women literally cannot stop complimenting you its lovely. I er... wish someone would admit to being madly in love with me though. In terms of not having a penis... strap ons?
I hate to be blunt, but my favorite sexual act is giving oral sex to men-so it's not something that you can replicate with women. In fact, I joined this forum b/c I found people that like giving oral sex more than traditional vaginal penetration. Unfortunately, I have found both heterosexual men and women to be critical towards my love for giving pleasure. They think it's weird, because I "don't get anything out of it". I find LGBT's much more understanding when it comes to oral sex. I would rather be with a partner that accepts me as I am in bed. It's a huge turn-off when a heterosexual is lecturing you on what you're supposed to like. I don't believe that all women should have to feel that traditional intercourse is the best type of sex.
Just for the record, I don't advertise my stuff to people. I've had heteros ask very nosy questions to me, and I gave them an honest answer (which invites rude comments). If I am private, I still have heteros complain that I must be gay for nit babbling about men or that I need to open up more.
