Hi everyone, For the past several months, I have became friends with a guy who is openly gay. He is my first gay friend (I am also not out to everyone yet). I also have a deep crush on him, and have fallen for him. Unfortunately, he has a boyfriend, although I am not sure of how it is working for them. I was sure he has a crush on me, from the way he looked at me and interacted with me. I have not made any moves, since he has a boyfriend. However, I want to be very close to him as a friend. However, he has not asked me if I am gay or not, and I feel like he thinks I am straight. I want to tell him that I am gay or show him that Im interested in guys, but Im not sure how to bring it up. I want to ask him to hang out with me more often too, but again, not sure how to do it. Also, since he seems to prefer to hang out with gay men, I have to first somehow let him know that I like guys. Any suggestions on how I can tel him that I am gay? Also, how should I tell him that I want to hang out more with him without breaking my ego (my friend is very proud and has a very big ego, so he would never even ask for hanging out himself). Also, I want to try to be appropriate, but I don't know the limits in the gay community. Thanks
This sounds it's heading to a bad direction in many ways. First, you have a crush on someone who is dating someone. Are you sure you are coming out for the right reasons? Sounds like you hope he will like you back once you come out. Why didn't you come out before? What do you really hope to achieve? Second, it doesn't sound you are particularly close if you have to think about how to ask him hang out with you more. If he would never ask you to hang out with him more it doesn't really sound like a friend to me. There are no community rules for limits. Each person has their own personal limits that you must figure out yourself.
Thanks for your reply. I have came out to several people, including my parents, but I dont feel I should come out to everyone, at least not yet. I dont have any problem letting anyone know of my sexuality, but only if they ask, and I know that they would be accepting of it. Also, I have never before asked to hang out with him (I am a little bit shy and only hang out with others if or when they ask me). we are friends, but not as close of friends as I want us to be. Again, as far as i am aware, nearly all of his friends are gay and he doesnt know I am gay, so that might be a reason why he is not being particularly close to me. I dont know if he likes me or not, but I want to make sure that I have tried my best so that I would not ever feel like I could have had him but did not try.
