Hi guys, it's been a while since I last posted here. I'm still struggling with GAD, depression and OCD. At the moment, I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm probably bisexual, even though I wish I could go back to the time when I was still blissfully unaware that I was anything other than straight. I also don't know whether I'm just bargaining. I rarely notice girls in a way other than 'why don't I look that good', but then again, that goes for guys as well - unless they're in uniform :eusa_clap . I wrote last time that I suddenly felt guilty for being attracted to guys, but that feeling has subsided and I'm back to happily obsessing interviews with my fav male actors and daydreaming. I'm also trying to let myself be attracted to Adele, because she looks like my trigger crush, but that process is more difficult. :icon_wink My family is aware that something's up, and they have been dropping hints that are hilariously not subtle - genre 'Did you know? X has come out.' or 'Love is love!! It's nothing to worry about.', but they're still refraining from asking me directly. I had a nervous breakdown 3 months ago and thought about quitting uni, but I've pulled through, although I was very close to just giving up on life. The main trigger was stress about homework and such, but my personal issues were probably a factor as well. Sometimes I feel like everyone is moving on with their lives, while I'm stuck here. I feel conflicted about trying to get into a relationship for several reasons; I'm scared I'm just going to find out I'm actually a lesbian and hurting the guy (even just typing this gave me massive anxiety), and I'm not in the right place mentally either, so I'm not sure I would even survive a break-up. Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish here, other than venting a bit. If someone could offer me some outsider-insight on my possible sexuality, feel free to do so. I apologize for the messy train of thought! Edit: just wanted to add I feel immensely grateful for this community. You guys rock.
First of all never feel guilty for your feelings, or for liking whoever. It's OK to be still figuring out your sexuality no matter what your age (even at 99). It's perfectly OK to say "I haven't figured out my sexuality yet" Your family seems to be supportive and loving. I think they would accept you even if you say you are confused by the whole thing. On a lighter note: Try going to an army parade and enjoy the girls that are looking at the guys and the guys in uniform and don't feel guilty for enjoying everything.
Unfortunately something like sexuality isn't anything that's easily figured out, nor is it something that anybody could tell you. And being something in between is especially confusing, and that means it might take some time and maybe the "right person" to figure it out 100%. Don't be too scared about getting into a relationship. Most relationships end with one person hurting the other, even though that might not sound very reassuring, it's just what it is. It might help you to get some clarity about your sexual orientation, and if you're crushing on a guy why not try it? There's nothing wrong with it and if you really should find out you're lesbian after all (which, tbh I don't think after reading your post), it is what it is and it happened as much as any other bad thing could happen. That's what life is - people can get hurt and we have hurtful experiences but that's what lets us grow as people and instead of avoiding all these things, we should try and embrace them. I hope that helped, good luck (*hug*)
You sound a bit like me. I'm not lesbian but I'm not properly straight either... And being in the middle is the hardest and loneliest place.
Thank you all so much for your replies! Something just hit me like a ton of bricks: I thought I hadn't had any crushes on girls before last year, but I just remembered this girl from when I was about 16... and my first thought was: '1. How did I not recognize that as attraction, and 2. I'd totally do her.' :rolle: Guess I had a type all along because she was blonde :lol: This doesn't mean that the process gets any easier, though, but I'm getting there. It's been hard to 'test' my attraction to males because I haven't really been in contact with them in the past few months. Now let me go erase that question mark after 'bisexual'...
