Okay, so sometimes I have this sensation, that to be gay I have to be 100% of my time thinking in men body or in a same-sex relationship. So everytime I'm not thinking that (low libido), I feel that I'm not gay, or i feel guilty, or I feel that I made a mistake telling my friends that I am gay, which sounds stupid because since 10 years old, every week I would have high libido thinking about the same sex (and no interesting in women), and later even watching gay porn, masturbating and etc. Never had a real experience with men, not even kissing. (oh god, i told u). I also have a strong libido, even while hugging or just having the simple thought about men bodies. I donno if it's because my entire life I used to deny my sexuality (like, while in low libido, I would be so upset about these feelings, believing that these thoughts and sensations are problems). I've always been the best actor, pretending to people around me that i was the straight guy, even forcing looking to women bodies (and not feeling anything about it) because I was so paranoid that someone would discover my sexuality (I also have OCD, so every bad consequences would just appear in my mind), so if they see me looking to the girls, they would believe that I am straight. None of my friends expected that I was gay (which, for an actor, it was like a praise). It's really weird, should the fact that I'm gay be something so present the entire day? So, if anyone feel something like this, please reply. :bang: Any opinion? Thank you!
So I just ran across this post. First off I don't think anyone thinks about sex the entire day. I mean except for maybe Sting lol. I'm not expert, and I've not even played one on TV, but maybe you've didn't do much time very aware of trying to act straight that now that you are not focused on acting gay (because being you there is no reason to have to act) you feel like something is off. But you don't have to prove your gay, don't stress about living hope that helps
Op I totally feel you on everything you said. no one suspected me before coming out, I'm still the "masculine" one out of my friends, I was a great actor since I've been playing the same "act" since I was 13. The only thing that could have gave me away was never having a girlfriend. I also have somewhat of a low sex drive and so it was pretty easy for me to ignore my feelings and pretend to be straight. Then I turned 25 and thought to myself, why am I living like this? Its 2015 no one even cares that i'm gay why should I keep telling myself lies? So in October 2015 a month before I turned 26 I accepted for the "final time" that I was gay and so far I have come out to a couple people and it has been really good, and I can accept myself better now that I have the acceptance of people around me that I care about. Being gay is pretty much just about your sexuality so when you are not "in the mood" you will not feel gay, sometimes I still question myself but more and more I can just put those thoughts out of my head, I might have some mild undiagnosed ocd because I have gone over it in my head a million times. Now I just feel like it is not worth the stress or anxiety to keep thinking about it. I have also felt plenty of shame when I was younger due to internalized homophobia which I picked up on at a very young age. I have one of those brains where I can remember things that happened at a very young age, my dad used to be homophobic but in recent years he seems to have changed a ton. I'm Gay and getting louder and prouder everyday. idk if this helps but at least realize that you are far from alone in your struggles.
Wow Totesgaybrah, it seems we have more in common.. I'm just not as far in the process as you are. PrsngHppnss8D, I know what you feel, I feel exactly the same and I started to question myself over and over and over again. Every time I talk to the guy I am dating now I feel warm inside, when I'm not thinking of him I'm just my regular self I've always been. This is for me pretty much confirming I am gay.. Explore your feelings!
I relate so much!!!I totally know what it's like to question your sexuality after coming out. I recently come to terms that I am in fact gay...although often times I would wonder if it were ok to say that without having any experience with a guy OR girl. Now I've realized that it's ok to go with your gut feeling atm, you don't owe anyone information on your sexuality And if you do realize that you have made in a mistake in what your preferences are, you can explain to those you have already told and they will surely understand if they are true friends. Don't box yourself in, just do what feels right!!!
Thank you everyone! It makes me feel so much better knowing these experiencies from you guys. Yes, I started that process about acceptance just about 1 month ago, already told my best friends, so I guess I'm making a quick process on that. It's been like a storm to me. I still depend on my parents. They know I'm gay, but would freak out if they discover I have a boyfriend and would not care to tell my family about it (their worst fear), but I really wish to have a sexual life without hiding myself from society (cuz I know who I am), so this is kinda an issue to me. Thank you again guys, I wish you the best!
Sharing our experiences, our struggles and our victory's is very important when dealing with what everyone in this thread is dealing with. I wish you all the best.
