I am confused . Let me start by saying if I had my choice I want to be a masc gay man. As a kid I thought I was straight but never dated or had a gf . I never really understood why and just kept being in denial. I liked women from afar but it wasn't natural. it was a struggle. I started to notice things about men and became anti gay most of my teen yrs. After college I started putting the pieces together and assumed I never dated and had issues with getting motivated with women.I came to the conclusion the reason I didn't date women was because I was gay. At first it felt like a weight lifted off of me I started meeting men but still never had a bf. I like sex with men although let me be clear I've never had sex with a woman. However I am more eager to be with a man. Lately I've been confused I'm noticing women for a few secs but still noticing men. In my mind I keep thinking maybe I have a choice. I can choose to date women and not go through the descrimination and pain of coming out or date men and be happy with some things and not others. Honestly I am more attracted to men but I don't want to be living a lie . As a straight guy I wasn't happy at all with that part of my life. As a gay man I'm more happy because I found answer why I am how I am.I really don't want to date women. if I am more attracted to men am I automatically gay. if I am gay then I shouldn't be noticing women. I also feel if I'm gay I'll be treated different by my family. if up to me gay and happy with no thoughts about women. as a kid I fought gay thoughts now I'm fighting straight thoughts what's happening.
I can totally relate to almost everything you wrote, except for actually having sex, I have not done that yet with either sex. My best guess is you are Bi, leaning gay but have internalized homophobia and may still be in denial. For me personally I have days where I feel super gay and feel like being totally out. Then I have days where I just wish I was straight and didnt have to think about this stuff. Like when I came out to my brother recently he was surprised that I was questioning my sexuality at all, he said he has not thought about his sexuality since he was like 10, for me that seems crazy, like he was just so sure he is straight with no second thoughts.
Im 31 and im fantasizing about being with a man the whole dam day. My mind is constantly running about whats happening to me?? I'am aroused all dam day and its getting a bit overwhelming.
Yeah that's what confuses me straight guys know they are straight .I'm sure I'm not and bi is confusing .
Being bi is totally confusing, interests change from time to time, some find it easier to just call themselves straight or gay based on which way they lean.
Just because you are gay it doesn't mean you are totally blind to beauty in the opposite sex. Many gay people panic if they "see something" in a member of the opposite sex; they worry that they have been confused all along... that their sexuality is in question and shifting towards bi, or even straight and in denial, but none of that is true. It's rather silly to jump to that conclusion really. Very few things are 100% in life and there is no reason why our attraction/sexuality should be one of the things that is. mikey34, it's clear from your comments that you are predominantly (overwhelmingly) attracted to other guys with only an incidental look at members of the opposite sex so I would advise you to take a deep breath and relax about it. You are no different to me and I am very sure that I am gay.
I totally relate to this. I liked guys from afar in my early-mid teens. I was freaked out by lesbians just out of sheer fear that I could easily "become" one. Then I put everything together last year and it made me feel great and right to love women. And my crushes on girls have been intense and I've pursued them, put my heart on the line and got crushed. And I'm not sure I care the same way about pursuing a guy. But theres still a certain gut attraction to guys. I appreciate their bodies aesthetically, and I am aroused by thinking about them sexually... I just don't want to in the same way I want to with girls. So this is why I identify as bisexual, despite wanting specifically to be with a girl... that's something I'm not totally happy with but I try not to think about it too much.
