Hello everybody! I have been browsing around these forums for a few days and I absolutely love the heartfelt responses that you have all provided to those in need of a little TLC. Everyone seems so respectful of one another, so I thought this might be a safe place to voice me concerns. I am an adult woman and feel like I should have this whole sexual orientation dilemma figured out by now, but the truth is I don’t. I know that the process of becoming comfortable in one’s own skin in a long one, but I am yearning for some kind of resolution. I try not to put too much emphasis on labels, but I feel like at this point, having a word that I can use to refer to my sexual orientation would be extremely helpful in discerning my feelings. So, what do you think would be the best identifier for my situation? Here are the facts… - I am a virgin and have only been in one relationship. It was with a guy when I was in the 10th grade, and honestly I tried my best to avoid any physical or emotional contact with him (it made me uncomfortable) during this time until he eventually dumped me 2 months later. Many of my friends kept telling me how attractive he was, but I just couldn’t force any interest in him. We weren’t really even friends before we started dating either, so this could be another factor. - I often find myself get turned on when I think about or see an attractive woman, and I have a sincere interest in becoming physically intimate with one someday. I also can see myself dating and having a relationship with a woman as well. - I find it much easier to form friendships/emotional bonds with women than men. - The objective thought of having sex with a man is not arousing to me. However, I think I could maybe enjoy sex with a man if the emotional connection was there. - I have had romantic crushes on men, which included getting very giddy and nervous around them, wanting them to like me, getting jealous of other women he may be attracted to, thinking about him constantly, wanting to always be around him, etc. However, the thought of moving past the stage of “crush” with these men (i.e. dating and a relationship) makes me a bit uncertain and uncomfortable. - To this day, I cannot recall ever having had a romantic crush on a girl. That being said, I have had several very close friendships throughout the years that could have potentially been romantic, I just never processed them as such. As you can see, I'm a bit of a confused mess. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Okay, I can't tell you what you are, but what you told really sounds like I feel too. I identify as homoflexible, so I am basically bisexual but more interested into women, and I added for me that I have to have a strong emotional strong bond with a man if I would ever get intimite with one. So when I out myself I just tell people I am bisexual since I don't want to explain myself all the time and I think people don't need to know every personal detail of what I like and what don't. From what you said you could also say you are a heteroromantic homosexual. so you fall for guys, but are sexually attracted to women. I hope I could help
Hey welcome to EC. Sorting out how you feel and which labels you might like to use should you chose to can be extremely confusing and frustrating. I think it all boils down to which one you think fits you best and you feel most comfortable with. I think often it is easy and natural to think about the things you don't know or are unsure of rather than the things you do know. As the above poster mentioned we cannot tell you what you are or what you feel but I would say from what you have written above you are at least not straight. One thing I remember from before I figured my sexuality out was that I always imagined when I was younger that gay people just knew they were gay, I am not sure how I thought they knew, I suppose it was something I had just never given much thought to until I started questioning myself. Once I did I think certainly one of my thoughts was I cant be gay how could I not have known, but I think society, often even without meaning to just makes us see in a stereotypical way until proven otherwise. I never crushed on girls before I figured out my sexuality but the more I let my head explore the idea the more the thoughts came of their own free will. I think the best advice is just to try not to put too much pressure on yourself, let your mind be free and see where it takes you. One of my biggest concerns before I came out was that I would come out as gay and then fall in love with a guy but I came to the conclusion 'so what' if it happens then I will deal with it. Labels are not set in stone so just go with what you feel.
This reminded me a lot of myself actually. I know that you want resolution and you want a label, but I found that for me the process just couldn't be rushed. Even after I fell for a girl, the idea that I was not straight made me really uncomfortable. It took a lot of time for me to recognize that this girl wasn't the exception, but was actually the rule. It took me a really long time to have romantic feelings for a woman. I've had crushes on men before. You might be similar to me, and you might not! It's really hard to say. Do you tend to develop feelings for men quite often, or are the feelings few and far between? I think that the best advice I can give is to just take your time, and try not to worry to much about it. Just be open to discovering yourself, and let it happen when it happens. I know that's not the advice you want to hear. I wish I could be more helpful!
I can not tell you want you identify as. However, from what you are telling us, I agree with the first comment, I think you sound like a hetroromantic homosexual because you say you have an interest in men but a sexual attraction to women. One question though, is there a reason you didn't want an emotional connection to your ex? Because that is interesting.
Hi guys! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post. I really appreciate all the helpful comments. To respond to some of your advice...... Silverhalo, I definitely share your fear of choosing a label, then having your sexuality shift on the spectrum. I love your attitude that labels are there to serve you, not the other way around : ) Aerin, I really don't develop crushes on men very often. Maybe 3 or 4 total in my lifetime. And to mac777, I can't really put my finger on why I tried to not form an emotional attachment with my ex. I think maybe a part of me was afraid of getting closer because then he might start to expect me to play more of a "girlfriend" role. Also, the more I think about it, the more I'm starting to find the idea of being in a relationship with a woman much more appealing (and almost preferable), which makes me hesitate to call myself a "heteroromatic". However, like I said before, I've only had crushes on men and not women. Maybe I'm biromantic? Is romantic attraction primarily based on one's past experiences? I think I may be over-thinking this a bit. I'm definitely a person who likes everything to be tied up in a neat shiny bow, but I agree with you that only time will tell. Thank you again for your advice. You guys are awesome!
