So - by way of introduction I was previously on here trying to work through and accept my sexuality and strong attraction towards women. (Thanks guys for all your support through that time) I came to the conclusion that I was mainly lesbian and that bisexual/queer wasn't quite the right term - although I had been emotionally attracted to guys in the past (albeit not as consuming as it has been towards women). So I have come out to practically everyone - and proudly told them I'm a lesbian. Except, there's now this guy I know who has been very friendly towards me, and we have met a couple of times for coffee. He has even messaged me a few times while I have been unwell recently, and asking me via PM to various social events he's been holding. I have tried to resist feeling anything for him, and have tried to keep him at arms length. I think I know he likes me as a person, and is attracted to me, however I'm not sure to what extent he wants to date me (we obviously haven't discussed this). It turns out we have an AWFUL lot in common, with similar interests/passions, and even personality types (Myers Briggs/Enneagram etc). We met on Saturday for coffee - and the time went very fast. The more I spent time with him - the more I was getting those feelings I get with women I am attracted to (feeling intoxicated by spending time with him). I just felt so alive talking to him. When we parted he gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek, and I felt myself leaning into him because I liked it. We both agreed we had a great time, that the time went very fast, and that we should do it again soon. However... I don't want to mess him around, and for us to date and for me to turn around and say I'm not really actually attracted to him. I don't normally find male anatomy/body shape particularly attractive, and aspects of what we would do if we were to act on a potential mutual attraction does make me a little nervous/hesitant (i.e. to take things to a physical level). However, I do think about him sexually - and again, I do like it. There is also the embarassment factor of coming out and then saying, "Well actually..." I'm only interested in dating people seriously, and therefore want to make sure I am really careful in choosing a future partner. He does however seem to have many of the characteristics I have been looking for in someone (except he's a man - which I hadn't anticipated). I also don't know how I would go about saying - "you may be aware I'm gay - but you might be lucky in that I might quite possibly be attracted to you sexually". They say love comes when you're not looking for it. I'm not sure if it's love, but it's certainly attraction of some sort - and I could do with some help in trying to make sense of it! :bang::bang::bang::bang:
Oooh, you lucky thing, I think he is quite possibly a bisexual guy who is probably open to the idea of dating a woman who fancies women, so don't knock it I say! I know the feeling though, of being worried that you may suddenly realise you're not really into him, I feel that too, even though I can be experiencing a huge crush on someone, but I'm never quite sure if it's because the guy reminds me of a girl, or because a girl reminds me of a guy.... that's one of the problems my orientation gives me! If he has qualities that you like and you were looking for in a partner, then I'm sure it wouldn't be a total disaster. Just tell him that you think you are more bisexual than you used to think, I am sure he won't mind! (*hug*)
Thanks Seagypsy - yes, he is quite effeminate in many ways, and dresses really well (which is good). I don't know if he knows about my sexuality or not - whilst I'm open about it generally, I've never discussed it with him - partly because I haven't known what to make of the situation. It's not like I dress like a typical girly girl and wear make up etc.
That might be why he likes you, because you're not girly? I know most men don't mind the idea of women fancying women even if they're straight men, so I doubt he would mind though. Just explore and see where it goes. Maybe take it slow though until you feel more certain of how you feel about him?
Yes, thinking I'm just going to take it slow and get to know him better. In the position of not feeling like I *have* to be with someone - so quite happy to take my time and see where it goes. Any other bisexuals/lesbians who have experienced similar? What happened in the end?
It's actually fairly common for people to think they are one sexual minority only to realize that they are another... For myself I had originally identified as bisexual, and I told all my friends, only to finally come to terms with the fact that I really was only into chicks so I had to like tell my friends again lol. It's totally okay man, go with what really feels right for you and do what your heart tells you to! I mean at the end of the day though labels are just labels, life is random as heck, sexuality is fluid for a lot of people... admittedly though these labels "bisexual", "pansexual", "lesbian"... They provide a great deal of comfort since using them allows you to identify with this big population of other people that have similar experiences as your own.
Thanks devotions - you're right, and being authentic in my feelings is more important than strictly adhering to set labels. And the more I allow myself to feel what has been rumbling around the last 6 months or so, the more I realise how attracted to him I am. It's just been really confusing having these feelings! Have contacted him to meet up again - which he has responded to. Now need to set the day/place/time! Quite nervous!
Interesting story, MsPurple It's is interesting because you haven't tried to deny your feeling and you're now living this experience, even though you're nervous and confused as you said, but also excited and happy as well. I think the most annoying part is reflecting on what the other would say hearing about this news, but... apologise my elegance... who gives a ***?
Yes, I think I'm generally learning to be more authentic outwardly. So part of that journey was to fully embrace the depth of my attraction towards women, and being in some ways quite different to how I am attracted to men (which tends to arise emotionally). I found it so hard coming out the first time, so whilst I am a little nervous about people's reactions - to be honest it's ultimately their problem if they do take issue with it. I've also been working through this attraction to him in my head for the past six months - and something just snapped when I saw him last. I just knew I was attracted to him, whatever label I might outwardly have. I guess I'm now thinking in my head about what everyone else thinks about in their heads at the potential start of a relationship: i.e. will this work, I don't want to be hurt, is he really worth investing in, when do we get to kiss, does he know I'm attracted to him, am I acting too keen, when do I confess all to him?! I contacted him the other day to arrange to meet for lunch in a nice restaurant next weekend - I HOPE he's got the message I'm now interested!
