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Need help with sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Notsure1989, Mar 11, 2016.

  1. Notsure1989

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2016
    Messages:
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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi everyone,

    Firstly I appreciate any help.

    Ok so I'd like to anonymous so I won't mention my name but I am currently 26 years of age and I'm struggling with understand if I'm gay.

    I have a very OCD personality and check things to re-assure myself all the time, it all stared when I was around 20 I was back and forth from the doctors everyday checking I'm ok and not dying.

    I remember saying to myself one time, "I wish I thought I was gay, atleast that way if know it's not true" we'll ever since I can remember around that time coinsidence or not I've questioned my sexuality.

    I've always been with girls, always liked girls, if I'm on a night out its the girls I'm interested in. Now where my main concern is, is with the sexual side of things... I have a girl friend currently who's 23 and pretty. Every since I was 20 I get these feelings down stairs when I look at a guy not every guy but I fair amount of guys, I rarely get them looking at girls (it's quite a nice feeling) yet feels me with anxiety and hatred. In my relationship or should if say with 90% of girls when in having sex it's very very difficult for me to cum, i pretty much have to force it out of me due to a lack of arrousal, although I'm very hard and ready to go.

    I adore my girlfriend and if I'm honest want to spend the rest of my life with her, just not "unforfilled"

    I'll tell you about my sexual experiences,

    My first time wasn't good, I struggled to get an erextion and it was all bad.

    I didn't orgasm with a sexual partner till I was 21 and that was from a hand job.

    I've been on a date with a girl that turned out to be a guy and I realised this when I put my hand down there and felt it hard, I stayed calm about the situation because I'm not a twat, I had no urges to try it out though.

    Anyway it's got so bad in the last 2 years that I'm researching everyday and avoiding certain things that give these feelings down there, I have breakdowns to my mum regularly and just don't know what to do as I fear and don't want to be gay.

    Let me make it clear I have nothing against gay people, I'm fully for people living who they are.

    I have had a sexual experience with a boy when I was 12 and not going through puberty, not sure what to make of that as I think it was more him as he was older than me, apart from that I've had no other sexual encounter.

    If I ended up being gay, coming out is a pretty big deal to me as I'm known as a "lad" getting the "girls" I'm quite a proud person and really would struggle to suck up certain friends thinking nothing of me.

    Also certainly family members wouldn't like it, I spoke with my mum about it and she's fine however she doesn't know what to make of it, if it's in my head or am I bi or gay in denial.

    I have had crushes on girls when younger and I do always look at girls, I just lack the who arrousal, I use to get much more arroused over girls and I do only watch straight porn, use to watch a lot of Lesbien.

    I apologise for my rant and there's probably some poor gramma but I'm panicking as I've never posted anything like this before.

    Thanks in advanced to everyone that helps me