Can sexual orientation change?

No sexuality cannot be changed. It's like your eye color. It will be and was always brown. But of course you can wear blue lenses and make everyone think you have blue eyes. Having said that for bisexuals sexuality could be more fluid. They could flow from kinsey 2 to 4/5 . Anyway so back to your story. Just because you wanted to be with girls doesn't mean you were straight. By what you say I always feel you were and have been gay , your perception of being straight is just probably clouded by the Orthodox society around you. Those factors which you think makes you gay are from a very homophobic and backward psychological point of you. Its a very non progressive theory which considered homosexuality as a developmental disorder. I feel they are more of an effect of you being gay than a cause. You aren't manly coz you are feminine and prefer female sensibilities. It's the way you are and has nothing to do with your sexuality ! This could be the reason why you wanted to be with girls during your childhood, you connected better with them! This is why you idolise your mom! There is absolutely nothing wrong in that. The reason you didn't have great relationship with men is also probably because of it. in an extremely gendered society feminine men aren't accepted and acknowledged. They are looked down upon. This strains relationships with people who have gendered expectations from you like your dad or brothers who would expect you to be masculine. Hence its not because of this that you are gay, its because you are feminine you experienced all this. it's not because of being feminine or not having good relationships with men that made you gay. Gender doesnt decide your sexuality! So you aren't gay from a place of hurt and unfulfilled emotional needs rather these have been caused by the society around you. If your therapist is making you believe that I'm sorry to tell you , you probably have to find someone more lgbt friendly. You have a lot of internalized homophobia , probably owing to the society around you. Work with your therapist on these lines!

 

If being masculine could change your sexuality then there wouldn't be masculine gay men! Several studies have shown that sexuality of men are fixed by the age of 5. So it's more likely that you felt you wanted to be with a girl because that's what you have learnt and internalized from the society around you. During puberty you had a sexual revelation and as time passed your sexuality put down those internalized heteronormative ideals and you became more and more gay . so to say. If not anything this is testimony to the fact that you were born that way and not that you have been changed by the social turmoil or unfulfilled emotional needs! Again basic message remains the same. If you want to move forward please find a more open minded lgbt friendly therapist who doesn't believe that homosexuality is caused by unfulfilled emotional needs ! work with him on your internalized homophobia

---------- Post added 11th Mar 2016 at 07:58 PM ----------

That's the problem of internalized homophobia. You don't seem to be homophobic externally but internally it's all there. It's not your fault.
I'm speaking about all of this from experience. I have a very similar story to you.I have always had affinity for the female gender. Apparently as an infant I liked spending more time with all the ladies at home. I had only girl friends through childhood .I even had this close friend who I thought I liked when I was 6/7 . while we used to play house she was always my wife. I had affection for her. But all through house I wanted to be the mother! I idolize my mother. Not only mother, grannys and great grand mom's too! I had a decent relationship with my father because he was an understanding man. But my relationship with boys were all dysfunctional till later in life. I was bullied and teased for being feminine. All my friends were girls , it was for two reasons a) I connected Better with them. b) I was more accepted by them. My school called my parents and had a meeting with them because I had only friends who are girls and my class teacher made guy friends for me. In fact what you feel and said is what my mom told me when I came out to her. I met a psychiatrist and we had detailed discussions about all this! That is why I am saying all that I am. It originates from heteronormativity and generalized homophobia in the society around you. I Know you aren't liking what I am telling you. But this is my experience and my input

 

Funny thing is I thought on the same lines as you. I tried to stop idolizing the said woman. I tried having more masculine interests in life. Learnt two things from that. One I'm not being me when I'm putting on a masculine face. Two i didn't become straight. I still have ghosts of the past. I feel happy when I learn about some girl having a crush on me n stuff like that, things from the heteronormative past me. I even went through a phase of gender confusion as you can see from my EC history. You know what's more relevant. I never had difficulty accepting my homosexual attraction or homosexuality as such. Yet I have realised the immense amount of homosexuality in me!

 

Fighter694 put the finger on it. When a male-including myself- prefers girls to boys as friends, during his childhood, at least until puberty strikes in, he is most likely to become gay/mostly gay in later life..??

 

The way I see it, your sexuality won't "change" in the sense that you wake up one day and suddenly find the gender you were attracted to all your life beforehand suddenly does nothing for you, or that the sexuality you were born with will rapidly become something different entirely.

But that's not to say that, for some people, sexuality can't be fluid to some degree. Your attractions can shift around, within a certain area. This is a bit of a crude example, but let's just say for the sake of argument that I like carrot cake. I also like brownies. Now some days, I want carrot cake, because I feel like something a little lighter, with a bit more of a subtle taste. Some days I want brownies more, because I'm up for something indulgent, rich, filling. On some days, I feel tempted by both, on other days neither really captivates me. Nowhere has the fact that I like both carrot cake and brownies changed; the only thing that's happened is that, on different days, my preferences between them have moved around a little.

This is what I mean when I say attractions can "shift around" for some people. It's entirely consistent to say that your sexuality can experience some fluidity, i.e. you feel a different kind of attraction at different points, and also that your sexuality hasn't "changed" as such. Another way of looking at this is to think of your sexuality, not as a point on the graph, but as an area, which can cover many different points, and have different manifestations at different times.

Another thing to consider is that, with time, your understanding and the way you view your sexuality (or anything for that matter) might become more nuanced. But that doesn't mean your sexuality has changed either, it just means you're more aware of the subtleties or qualities of your sexuality.

Bear in mind I'm not implying you're gay, or bi, or anything here. That's for you to decide. I'm just trying to give you a perspective - whereby sexuality isn't a single, fixed point but rather a range of points which might move about over time - which might help you along in making sense of things. All best, and I might drop back in later if I have any better insights

 

I know a girl(who now turned into a woman as we know each other for 14 years now) which I really had affection for since I was in high school. I always thought I loved her. I had and still have this wonder feeling when I am around her... as a very close friend.

So one day she turned single from a long relation with a guy and I thought this was my chance to be with her. We spent the night together on several occasions and would cuddle and chat days in a row. But by going this far and although we had good fun under the blankets, I discovered this was not for me. I met this guy recently and after seeing him I realized I am more in love with him after one evening of chatting than with the girl I know and appreciate for 14 years.

I still talk to this girl and we have the same affection as we always had. But not love.

Your sexuality is defined by birth. It doesn't change. With age and experience you will get a better insight and acceptance of yourself. So could it be that you did not yet get the right experience and are still searching for yourself?

Reading this give me the feeling that woman were a more safe harbor for you which may be an underlying issue.. Are you actually sexually and romantically attracted to them, or might is be something else?

 

I couldn't have said it better. I totally agree with Sam, also because I don't think you used the verb "change" intending that one day you wake up and you're more or less gay then the day before.
I think you're talking about the different shades the sexuality can have during the life, are you?
Considering this, I'd answer: yes, it can works so.
For someone the sexuality is more fixed, determined, then for others it can "changes".
I had only crushes on guys when I was young and very rarely I felt a sexual attraction towards girls. But afterwords it happened and now I identify my self as a bisexual woman, even though sometimes I experience a sort of a "shift" toward one gender in particular.

Talking about the "gender issue"...
Gender and sexual identity aren't linked, so even thought you were able to becoming more "manly", you're sexuality wouldn't change at all.
I know a guy who is actually very manly, but as gay as a straight teenager during a hormonal crysis.