Although in my early teens I felt very boy crazed... it was very shallow. I've also watched loads of gay male porn and fantasised about guys and it worked, but it leaves me empty compared to the excitement I get from fantasising about girls. Sure I've crushed on lots of guys, but did it make me feel the desire and jealousy of my recent girl crushes? Not in the slightest. I just picked them out for being sorta good looking and talking to me occasionally. I can't even name a male celebrity crush but if you know me you'll know my harem of female ones. What I'm saying is... now that I've accepted liking girls, guys suddenly seem so insignificant that trying to have them compare to my love for girls seems stupid and bisexual seems to work less and less. I was writing a post here, keeping myself up when I feel like sleeping, that analysed everything about me and asked for a little insight, but the way girls eclipse guys for me became pretty clear just from writing it. So I'm not really saying I'm sure I'm a lesbian, I'm just saying, I'm gonna change my label on here as a bit of an experiment. See how I feel about it. This has become more of an announcement than a call for advice, but if any of you guys have gone through a similar process, lets chat. This sudden post seems a bit stupid to me because I've been writing on this forum recently like I at least partially have my sht together and I'm always chill about being bi, but oh well.
It's natural to find out who you are gradually! Every once in a while I'm finding out little bits about my sexuality and I think this happens to a lot of people. For example, early this year I had a crush on a guy who turned out to be trans. Knowing that he had been born female didn't change anything - and I'm not sure why but that surprised me a bit! It's simply learning a new thing about yourself; everyone can relate to that.
Seems like we are in very similar situations! I was very boy crazed in my early teens aswell, however looking back I realised I never even properly knew the person I had a crush on. They were all platonic crushes, I assumed the boy was good looking and we talked on Facebook or whatever but I never felt anything major towards them. As I grew older in high school (I'm 17 now) I started crushing on girls, and the feelings were so intense and so much more exciting that I accepted myself as a lesbian. I'm having some trouble though which you might be able to help me with. I came out to a best friend last week and she was very supportive, but after that I started questioning again and wondering if I am maybe bi sexual. I kept analysing and forcing myself to imaging myself with guys and these feelings confused me because I can't tell whether they're genuine or forced. Anywho it's a confusing process ...
I feel a lot like the way you do. When I was in my early teens I had crushes on guys but it was only because they were good looking and it had nothing to do with their personalities. When I think about it now, it seems like I may have just "liked" them because my friends were all so boy crazy and I just sort of assumed I was too. I still find guys attractive now (I'm 16), but they don't compare to how I feel about girls. With girls I care about everything, and their personality is super important and interesting to me. Whenever I think I might be able to like a guy, I get to know his personality and pretty much immediately stop liking him. I guess I consider myself bi, but it is becoming obvious to me that I might have a strong preference for girls. And the part about the celebrity crushes is SO me haha
Wow, its really nice to hear from you guys, especially you two treasure1996 and SparkAndItsLike. I really didn't realise other people had had quite the same sort of dramatic turn-around, haha. SparkAndItsLike, yeah that's how I feel about girls too. I not only am mesmerised by them, I become fascinated by their personalities and all I wanna do is make them smile and be there seeing them smile the whole time... while cuddling... and then maybe (definitely) some more wink wink. With the guy ones it was like, he's good looking, we could have sex, and we joke sometimes. And when I say "we could have sex"... with a girl I'd be thinking "I WANT YOU" but with a guy its more like "I want sex, I'm horny af". Yeah, I was sticking with bi with a preference for girls but I just wanted to see if lesbian felt better, because bi was starting to feel like a lie... I was starting to feel like I had almost nothing to back up my liking for guys other than gay porn and liking to draw them. And I'm glad you relate to the celebrity thing. That's a big thing that always has me thinking. treasure1996, I love hearing your experience! Yeah, it sounds like we are in very similar situations! Platonic crushes, eh? Thats an interesting way of looking at it. With my crushes I chased them a bit and tried to talk to them a lot, but it really never felt like anything more than a really stupid game. I'm not sure it was even platonically friendly it was just amusement haha. And in terms of your problem... yeah around new year my mum found some stuff on my laptop and started questioning me. I denied all but ended up coming out as bisexual to my best friend so I could vent about how freaked out I was. The sudden reality of it now that people seemed to seriously know was a bit much and I was just thinking to myself the whole time "you always liked guys, since when did you like girls? This is ridiculous, you've tricked yourself you don't like girls.. and now you're lying to your gay best friend about being similar to him - what a dick move!". That sort of thing... You sort of have to close down your inner voice with logic every tie it comes up, and find supporters on here and watch lots of something like OITNB. Have your safe gay bubble in these times!!! And when I say close down your inner voice I mean like voice: "You've always liked boys, you're not a lesbian" you: "I am a lesbian. How I felt about those boys was not a real crush. I was not attracted to them, I simply recognised that they were good looking and decided to have them as my crush. I am a lesbian." Though, there's nothing wrong with being bisexual if you actually think you are. If you're as similar to me as you seem, then its a fine line haha. I was just starting to feel like I had to defend actually liking boys and it was really hard to do, especially when all I was thinking about was girls, haha. hmm. Another thing I find a bit gay is... guys I used to crush on used to get girlfriends and I often knew these girls and I would just cut off the crush like nothing but the same thing has happened with my girl crushes and its like the end of the fucking world. Yes... I'm starting to feel like a big lesbian and its weird.
