Hi! sorry this is going to be long but its my story and i REALLY NEED HELP. :help: I am a 16 year old guy. Since I was 13 ive realized i have sexual feelings for guys. I used to be afraid and shut it out of my head saying these feelings will pass and im not actually gay. I used to laugh it off thinking that my mind is playing tricks. This happened because in 7th grade when i was 13, my friend introduced me to porn. I remember the first video i watched i was "turned on" by the boobs but the second i saw the guy my jaw dropped. soon before i knew it i was watching gay porn. I used to think nothing of it because i didnt know much of sexuality and all and i thought it was harmless. when i turned 14 i hated myself because i thought i made myself gay. i was mad at myself thinking that i am only having these bisexual (compromised to bi, denied being fully gay) feelings only because i watched gay porn and these videos TURNED me gay. I spent that whole year trying to shove away all these feelings and just be "normal". when i turned 15 i accepted i was gay. my whole year i was excited and happy with myself. i learned to love my sexuality and be proud of being gay. I am so proud and i actually feel lucky to be born gay (LGBT PRIDE!!!) i am happy with myself and now i have just turned 16 and im thinking about coming out to my sister. however, every time the thought comes, i feel confused of my sexuality all over again as if i got into a time machine and im 14 again. I know i deffinately am not straight but i feel like ive bounced to the other side of the spectrum. like before i would ignore the possibility of being gay and stuck to being straight however now i feel like it is reversed and i and telling myself i am completely gay but could be ignoring a little bisexuality. i dont get turned on by girls and when i am "excited" its only gay. a lot of people say that bisexuality is like a bridge to accepting being gay. (however i do know there are bi people) ive heard that people think they are bi instead of accepting they are gay because of internalized homophobia. this really confuses and bothers me because I am happy with my gay self but i do not know if i am maybe 1% bi or just internalized homophobia. I feel like i accepted myself however maybe i fully didnt and i need some more time. i know labels do not matter however i really need to know. I am happy being gay but i dont know if my fear and confusion is me ignoring the prospect of being 1% bi or just internalized homophobia. i know a lot of people go through this so i want to know your input. did you face something like this? how did you get through this? how did you figure it out? what was the result? what is wrong with me? please any help is welcome! thank you all so much in advance LOTS OF LOVE! <3 LGBT PRIDE (!)
Just to pick up on the point of what bi is, it isn't just a bridge between straight and gay. Your right in that some people that are really gay say they are bi because it feels like an easier step or more comfortable or simply because they feel they will get more acceptance but it's not just that. For some people liking both/all genders is just who they are and always will be. That does make life more complicated sometimes but if it's who you are then it doesn't matter. Whatever you personally identify doesn't really affect anything, you could conclude that you're 100% gay then later in life fall in love with a girl, who cares if you're happy. As for your immediate problem, rather than telling your sister "I'm gay" why not tell her "I like guys". That way you can tell her the bit that matters and the labelling can wait for later. In any case she will probably want to talk in detail about it anyway to give you the opportunity to explain your emotions in full.
One simple question... do you find girls attractive/exciting now? I was 16 when I realized I like both guys and girls. I'm 20 now, in a relationship with a girl but still find guys exciting, sexy and a turn on... I think what Calf said makes sense. Don't give yourself a label and talk things over with your sister. She may be more understanding than you think. Good luck!
I was glad to see your post because you did a great job explaining a complicated feeling that I tried to describe in my first post yesterday. I'm at a similar stage and dilemma, albeit it took me a few more years than you to arrive here! I feel almost completely gay based on my attractions, yet wonder if I'm suppressing a small part of me that could still be interested in women because it seems like it would make things complicated. I like Calf's advice about saying that we like guys, but not assigning a certain label.
"Would A Rose by any other name not smell as sweet" (William Shakespeare) I have never cared much for labels myself. At your age I never worried about preference's I considered myself experimenting to find myself. It took me A while to decide it was all good to me. I'M not sure when I came to the conclusion I was Bi Sexual And I can't say I ever cared. But I did keep it to myself most of my adult life. Reason being I figured out for the most part neither side deep down really wants to accept you. People don't want to admit their prejudice but everybody is at least A little, It's just human nature. You can say I'M wrong if you want to, But experience has taught me otherwise. If my 64 years on this earth has taught me anything it's this. Be very careful who you trust. Your best friend can become your enemy. In the blink of an eye.
The coming out can be (actually it is) tricky. First of all because we aren't used to it: If you born straight, none will ask you about your sexuality and you won't feel the pressure to giustify your feelings. So when we are about to do it, we start overthinking about our "truly gayness" and if it is a real thing or we're just pretending. You seem very aware - and proud - of your homosexuality shark, but if you're worried about using one clautrophobic label, it would be better saying "you like guys" as Calf said. And do not worry about the future: just live your present. Good luck! ^^
