I wrote here before that I had a same sex experimentation when I was younger. After that I have had only Girlfriends. The last few years I have thought of my same sex fling and thought I would like to do it again, especially since doing a lot of reading and finding that I am not alone. OK, well, Im on a beach. There are many beautiful women, and many of them are single, and it is a romantic place. I have not had any interactions with the beautiful women. BUT: Last night there was a gay couple swimming. They are handsome and clean-cut and about my age and build.They look comfortable with each other and are in a committed relationship. I became quite excited watching them, got those butterflies and jiggly feeling in my stomach. I was hovering around when they noticed me. We were making eye contact. On their part it was not exactly flirtatious, but also it was not "Mind your own business' or "Get lost" eye contact either. Pretty soon all three of us are making they eye contact back and forth. We went on making this eye contact for a half hour or longer, then it started getting dark so I swam off. I went back to the same place this morning, but they were not there. Since I have had a change of attitude I described above, I have gone out of my way over the last couple years to make friends with a few gay couples, just to get the feel of things. I am thinking I might swim over and introduce myself to these two guys if I see them again. I had intended to this morning, but they were not around. Anyway, here is my question. I identify myself as straight but curious. But here I am on a beach full of beautiful women, and I get no reaction. Then I get quite aroused and butterflies in my stomach at the sight of two male lovers with their shirts off. What does this say about my orientation??
It could say a few things, you say that you've considered yourself straight but curious so maybe that's all it is and you just thought they were cute together and were aroused by it, but instead of taking someone else's word for it, you can think about what you think your sexuality is (taking in other peoples help and opinions if you wish) and ask yourself questions as to how you feel when your in a relationship with a female and how you see the woman herself (attraction towards her) and think back to the same sex encounter, think of how you felt then and how you'd feel in a relationship with a guy, and the attraction you feel towards guys. Because at the end of the day you're the only one who can decide who you are, but if you ask yourself questions like that it could help you figure things out.
Probably just the 'forbidden fruit' syndrom. I went over and met them; they were nice enough guys and a little amused at my interest. We exchanged normal traveler banter about airline schedules and jobs at home and whatnot. They are above my socio/economic zone. All my fantacies faded away. Its all just forbidden fruit fantasy stuff, but Ill follow it some more because I like doing it.
