For most of my life, I have seen myself as straight. Except for when I thought I was going through a 'phase' when I was 15. I have not thought about girls since then but I now think that I am developing these feelings again. I am now 19 and I go to university in London. At university, I have met many different people from all backgrounds and have made some really good friends (especially with my flatmates). Whilst being at university I've kissed many guys and I have had a sexual encounter with a guy. I've even fallen for one of my guy flatmates but that is over and done with now, all in the past, blah blah blah. I've also kissed a few girls in my time but I have never felt anything from it, just that it was a bit of fun! However, since January, I have started to fall for my best friend who is a girl and is my flatmate (we'll call her Katie*). She's into girls and guys (but mostly girls) and I have known her for nearly two years. We spend most of our time with each other and I love being around her and I hope she thinks the same towards me! We have always had a flirty relationship (play fighting, touching each other etc.) but I have always passed that off as just being friends. But now, it is getting to point where I am seriously falling for her and I am finding it hard to stop thinking about the situation that I am in. Every time that we maintain eye contact for too long or that I am in her bed, it just makes me want her more. I have told three of my friends from home about it and they have been supportive and I have also told one of my flatmates about her (he is also a close friend to Katie). He has given me good advice by telling me that I need to make sure what I want before I act on anything, which is fair enough as I do not want to ruin our friendship, nor do I want to hurt her. However, this is not stopping me from thinking about my situation or her all the time. This is hard, especially when she is the first girl that I have ever had physical and emotional attraction towards (especially when I thought I was straight!). It's driving me to the point where I literally over-analysis every moment that we share with each other so that I can determine whether she reciprocates the feelings. If there is anyone that has gone through a similar experience or has any advice then please share as I swear I'm going crazy!
Hi miaif22, I guess you could say I went through a similar experience. Like you, I've historically seen myself as straight - but that wobbled a little by the time I was finishing sixth form, and then last year at uni I found myself feeling something towards my flatmate. I wanted to be around him, I wanted to be close to him (more so than any other friends) and I imagined what it would be like to hold hands, kiss, hug him etc. Your friend's given good advice, which is to make sure what you want before you act. But remember it's not always easy to find out what you want. Even after I had an experience with my friend last year, I'm still not sure what I want - luckily it didn't hurt him and I've stopped fixating on it so much, but I'm just saying that sometimes you can't just think these things through to get to a conclusion. What I think would be good, though, is to talk to your friend about it. Tell her what you're feeling and why this is difficult for you. You said she's attracted to girls, so she'll know where you're coming from - which means it's more likely than not she'll be 100% supportive and serious about helping you. This doesn't mean you have to experiment, or date, or anything like that - just start by having a heart-to-heart with her, laying all your cards out on the table, and just communicating openly to decide where to go next. My friend and I had a talk like this (admittedly it was after an experience, but the point is there), and although it *felt* like we'd come across this huge curveball in our friendship, for the last month or so of the year that was left it actually brought us a lot closer. Tl;dr I say talk to your friend and see what happens. Be honest, including the bit about being unsure and not wanting to hurt her. If she decides she's ok with that, maybe you guys end up dating, and if she doesn't return the feelings or doesn't want to take that risk, then you'll both understand each other better and can make your friendship stronger. Not to mention, the endless "what ifs?" hurt a lot more than knowing it's not to be. If you go in without any expectations, I think there's a lot more to gain than there is to lose
Thanks for the advice Sam the Man, I know that I should talk to her about it but due to how her personality is, she is not a very emotional towards people that she knows. This makes me think that the chat will not help because she will not open herself up to me (she has only ever admitted that she likes girls whilst being drunk). At one point, I was thinking to see if something naturally happens (if we're drunk and one things lead to another) but I have a feeling that this will not happen either. She has been hurt previously by a girl and I am scared that she will not open herself to me in case she thinks that I will do the same? I will think about your advice and take it into consideration. Thanks again!
