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Question for Bisexuals?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Soundwave, Mar 18, 2016.

  1. Soundwave

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    First off I would like to say you guys are so lucky you get to experience the best of both worlds. So I have a question how was it coming out? I've notice that even bisexuals get crap from gay people sometimes which I find stupid. I've seen it in my own life did you ever get crap from fully gay guys/girls?
     
  2. lnamae

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    It was alright. My friends were all pretty cool about it, and talked about like "when I find another bf/gf... etc." they always make sure not to assume just one gender over another. If someone's cute, I gush over anyone, of any gender, pretty obvious :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: The only problem I've had has been with family. My aunt assumes I'm just into guys, my mum assumes I'm just into girls (confused gay or straight in their eyes)... Never gotten anything negative from people who are gay before. Although I've only had a couple of gay friends... Just like anyone, for a while they just assumed I was straight until I said or implied otherwise. Then they were just like... oh... cool. :lol: (maybe I'm just lucky to have good friends) :eusa_danc
     
  3. Browncoat

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    We'd be lucky in a world without stereotypes and prejudice.


    I've gotten a pretty even amount of hatred on both sides. People, both straight women and gay men, will often straight up drop all interest when you mention your bisexuality. If I had to give a rough guess I'd say you lose about 70% of potential dates based on biphobia alone.

    I know there are probably plenty of straight women and gay men that do "get it," but I've almost come to resign myself to assuming that if I do find a "life partner," it will most likely have to be another bi/pansexual individual.


    ----------
    Coming out specifically, though, no better or worse than coming out as gay.
     
    #3 Browncoat, Mar 18, 2016
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  4. Soundwave

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    Personally I don't have anything against bisexuals. Personally I wouldn't mind dating a Bi Guy.
     
  5. Chiroptera

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    Yes. The gay organization in my city is full of prejudice, and they even accused me of being an homophobe once, when i disagreed with their methods. Some of them also think i don't want to "admit that i'm gay", which is, of course, bullshit, since i'm bisexual.

    People are people. There is prejudice on both sides, and, while it is important to organize ourselves to fight against prejudice, it is also important to see society as one group, without fully separating people into boxes. Heterosexuals, LGBT, poor people, rich people... everyone deserves respect, and everyone is part of one group: humanity.
     
  6. Soundwave

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    This times 2 million!
     
  7. gravechild

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    I actually came out as gay, since it was when I was first embracing my male attractions, and everything else faded to the background. Since then, it's become more 50-50, but it seems I was taken more seriously than if I had said bisexual.

    Lucky? Hardly. This isn't the same thing as being attracted to multiple races, body types, or ages, which most people accept readily enough. It does seem more and more likely that my best chances would be finding other bisexuals to become involved with, and sadly, most aren't "out and proud", and for good reason.

    I don't want to be "tolerated" at best, but embraced and accepted by my partner. Too many folks are turned off, hostile, or confused by it. For some, their sexuality might not play a part in who they are, but I can't say the same.

    It's for that reason I set my dating profile to screen out straight people.
     
  8. looking for me

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    can i get a like button on this? exactly. ive had people erase my orientation because of course Bi cant exist either your straight or not. or one gay guy that i was chatting with stated he couldn't date a bi guy because he wouldn't want me to cheat with a woman and say that doesnt count because it wasnt with a man. the whole bi's cheat, and cant be faithful BS. so yeah.....
     
  9. Soundwave

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    I may not be your partner but I accept you:slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 18th Mar 2016 at 09:36 AM ----------

    You walk with your held up high and you take pride in yourself :thumbsup:
     
  10. looking for me

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    oh i do hun, if they cant take all of me, i figure they dont deserve any of me.:icon_wink
     
  11. Secrets5

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    Coming out? I don't see the point. Annoyed at [bi-hating*] gay people? Certainly.

    *I wouldn't call it ''phobia'' because you're not scared.

    For the record;

    - I'm not premiscious (I don't like sex)
    - I'm not indecisive (I know what I am)
    - I'm not 'transitioning' from straight to gay (I knew I liked same-sex attraction first, so unless you're assuming I'm going from gay to straight ... this doesn't apply to me)
    - I haven't got a mental disorder (don't even know where you're coming from with this one)
    - I shouldn't be prosecuted (what is this? The 50s)
     
    #11 Secrets5, Mar 18, 2016
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  12. Inis

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    I wouldn't consider my self "lucky", since the Bisexuality is probabily the most criticised and misunderstood sexual orientation.
    When I came out, my parents didn't get what I was saying indeed and especially my father is still not able to understand why I can't just pick the "right side", considering I can feel attraction toward both gender. As a consequence, after the c.o and after few occasions, I stopped talking about my sexuality, because I feel ashamed when it happens and moreover because I know it is not considered a real thing.
    BUT, first of all, I don't like to justify my sexuality because it is mine and unless you're one of the mine closest friend, this topic is not in your business.
    Once I was talking with an ex-classmate - who's gay - and then she said she hated bisexuals because they don't take a side. She knew I identify in that way. Whatever.
    At least I thought I shouldn't listen those rude and stupid opionions and fortunatelly I'm not facing this type of chat frequently.
     
    #12 Inis, Mar 18, 2016
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  13. Soundwave

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    *snaps fingers in a z formation *

    ---------- Post added 18th Mar 2016 at 10:44 AM ----------

    Never be ashamed of your sexuality if one thing I have learned from being discriminated because of who I like is empathy. (*hug*)
     
  14. biAnnika

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    "Out" is a strange term for bisexuals.

    Pretty much everyone in my real life knows I have a female partner. Many fewer realize I am bisexual. In general, I figure it's not important for them to know...so I tend not to say anything, unless people make external assumptions (e.g., "Annika, what was it like for you coming out as a lesbian?" or "Well, except maybe for lesbians...like Annika here"). Then I find it necessary to point out that they don't really have enough information to infer that I am a lesbian (or I'll flat out correct them and tell them I'm bisexual...frankly, I'd rather people simply not speculate on one another's sexuality).

    My parents have never been anything other than marvelously supportive of my partner and I. But the couple times I've felt it necessary to mention to them that we are actually bisexual, it is clear that the entire topic of bisexuality makes them extremely uncomfortable...which kinda sucks, but is also kinda understandable, given their age, and level of understanding of sexuality issues.

    The "best of both worlds thing" is a stereotype, and a mixed blessing. If you're in a long-term sexually monogamous relationship (30 years and counting here), having attraction to both sexes actually quite sucks, tyvm. Not only are my eyes drawn to more people, but there is an entire range of activities and experiences that are part of my sexuality, but I simply cannot have within the bounds of monogamy. (And this society takes its emphasis on monogamy *ridiculously* and *hypocritically* seriously.)

    In terms of your actual question...I have many gay/lesbian friends, several of whom are aware that my partner and I are bisexual, and we've never received the least bit of hate. It's mostly in online forums like this that I encounter either denial of bisexuality (how's that for language, Chip? *smile*) or disparagement of bisexuality.
     
  15. Nickw

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    I am the male "straight" version of this. I never saw the need to be out. It just would not have changed anything in my life. Sadly, I never really shared my same sex attractions with my wife. I just sort of was lost in the early days of our relationship and if just did not seem like it needed to be addressed. I described me as a "not zero" on the Kinsey scale when we dated. She sort of knows, we will talk about my "type"; but, I am NOT her bisexual husband. Society just does not seem to want to provide a place for that.

    Now, I would like, in my fifties, to do some of the same sex exploration I did not while younger. I am sure that my wife would have no problem with me being gay and staying platonically married. But, I don't think practicing "bisexuality" would be acceptable and that's what I am and want.
     
  16. lessthanbi

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    I agree with you that it isn't necessarily lucky. A straight person gets to have his preferred sexual activities in a committed relationship without cheating. A bisexual person has to miss out on something he likes in order to be in a monogamous relationship. A bisexual man who enjoys receptive anal intercourse can try to meet that need with toys and pegging, but is unable to really experience that type of sex with his partner. I don't mean a bisexual man can't have an enjoyable sex life after choosing to pair of with a woman or a man. Of course he can. I just think he'd be missing something in a way that a completely straight guy wouldn't. It's not necessarily terrible, but also isn't necessarily "lucky" to have unfulfillable desires.
     
  17. Inis

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    I see your point and I often think about it, especially when I talk with people who identify as a "pure" bisexual (50/50). Once a girl said to me she was having a relationship with another girl but she missed sex with guys and since these girls were both bisexuals they chosed to stay in a "open relationship" because of this.
    Moreover she added "When you are in a relationship with a straight person you have to say them thanks once, but if you date a bisexual you have to thank that person twice" and it is linked with your opinion. She was talking about the loyalty and about the fact a bisexual have to give up one gender if they want to stay with you. ^^''
    Anyway I didn't like the way she told me her point of view and I didn't appreciate the fact she told as whatever bisexuals is the same.
    I have a girlfriend, but I've never missed sex with guys and I've never felt like I was give a part of my sexuality up.
    Maybe because I am not a perfect 50/50.
    Maybe just because I'm a different person with a different way to live her sexuality.


    I'm ashamed when I have to justify my sexuality to someone I know is not able to get it. Let me give you an example: I think I've never felt the warmth of the humilation as long as my father started asking me the details of being in love/attracted toward the same gender.
    I still remember his considerations about it.
    "How can you find attractive a body who is similar to yours???? It is like you were touching your self!!!!"
    I'm talking about this shit. :grin:
     
    #17 Inis, Mar 19, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2016
  18. biAnnika

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    I feel your pain, and I sympathize...but you cannot know how she would react unless you tell her, Nick. At least give her the opportunity to show that she loves you and values your happiness! If she can't/doesn't, then that gives you important information. But if this is who you are, don't hide it from someone so close with you.

    Whatever you do, please don't cheat on her (not that I'm assuming this is any part of what is on your mind...I'm just sayin'). She deserves honesty from you much more than she deserves to be "protected from reality"...and it's not her you'd be protecting.
     
  19. Nickw

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    biAnnika
    Thanks for kind words. No, I will not cheat (with a man or a woman). I did not mean to make this thread about my issues. But, in talking about how "lucky" it is to be bisexual, I think one thing to point out is; in the really long term (my case), the unfulfilled same sex desires, that Lessthanbi mentioned, can become issues when problems, within opposite sex relationships, arise. It adds another level of complication.
     
  20. biAnnika

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    Totally agreed. That was my point as well.