Has anyone dealt with this and do you have any advice on how to differentiate it from genuine attraction?
I didn't understand the difference between 'like' and 'love' until I had a crush on my best friend. Then I knew what it felt like to feel attracted to someone. Before then, I'd had fake crushes on guys which I thought were real. It's hard to describe in words, though.
Hey, thanks for replying. What did your fake crushes on guys feel like in comparison to the ones you've had on girls?
Like, "Hm, I need to find someone to crush on... Ooh, I know! I'll crush on him! He's not annoying or mean to me!" Whenever my friends asked what I liked about him, I'd just say, "Uh... he has nice eyes..."
Yup, that's me. Looking back, even though I've found myself looking at both guys and girls, it always felt different with guys. At the time, I couldn't imagine myself in a relationship with a guy, but now it all makes sense.
I'm interested in this topic because sometimes I feel like this played a part in my guy crushes when I was younger... I remember my sister asking me about boys I like and I couldn't answer. Soon after that I sorta picked this guy out to crush on. When he asked my friend out I was sort of annoyed but I just picked out another one, I couldn't care less really. I picked this one because he had once asked me to come to an afterschool club with him so I thought he must be sorta nice. Then I decided I needed to scheme on a boy to be my prom date in 2 years time and I did that completely strategically - tall enough to be taller than me in heels but with low enough self-esteem to go to prom with a loser like me. I definitely felt nothing for him but I befriended him effectively. When people asked me which boys I liked I randomly picked a good looking one... Yeah it was all either a fun game, a strategy or me just wanting to have an answer to the question of who I liked. At least thats how I'm seeing it now.
I struggle with that a lot. I try to look at things objectively, yet I automatically picture myself marrying a guy without thinking of it just because that's what I've always expected when I was younger. And I find guys cute sometimes, and even if a guy likes me I get excited by that and feel like it's like a crush. Although maybe I just get excited because they like me? I don't think I've ever liked a guy without them first liking me. I don't think there's an easy way to tell, except that it will probably become more clear as you get older and have more crushes, and more real crushes, so then you can tell the difference and know "wow, this is what a genuine crush is like". I think for me, I've only ever been excited by guys after they liked me. It's never been me naturally feeling drawn toward them. I've only had a few girl crushes, but I think those were more genuine because the girl didn't have to like me, or even know me, for me to like them and want to get their attention and smile at them. I think it's really different for everyone, but I think in time the answers will become more clear.