Salutations or just insert a typical introduction here. For the past few years I've been wondering about my sexual orientation, but since I was bullied when I was young with people calling me a lesbian (I didn't really feel anything for anyone at this stage) I avoided girls like the plague. About five years ago I came to a new area and became friends with a girl who was quiet and separate from the crowd like me and I have had feelings for her since, which I only discovered the height of once she got a boyfriend. I liked this guy before they were going out but now I hate him and think he is a scumbag. When she confides in me with best friend talk about stuff they've done I feel sick to imagine her doing it with him. Anyway, about six months ago I started to talk to this boy and grew close to him with a relationship starting a bit later but in all this time I haven't done anything to...pleasure....him (I sound like a gross VN) yet when he does so to me I feel very uncomfortable with it even though my body doesn't seem to react that way. So to try to cure my fear of sexual interactions so I could actually participate in usual relationship activities, I looked up usual techniques of overcoming it which was mostly watching arousing things between men and women. I dry heaved. Today I tried again and have been doing so all day until I found a video I didn't mean to click on with two women and I found myself very excited (eew) then I had images of me and my friend in that kind of situation (which I feel so bad about seeing as she has always been there for me and now I'm thinking about her like that). Everything about males seems to put me off, especially the junk and all, and watching that kind of thing looks horrible and uncomfortable and wrong. But with two females it just looks...nice. Should I say anything to my boyfriend? Or is there something I can do to feel attraction to him in that way apart from just the I love to talk with you way? Thank you so much for any help you are all fab
