so I'm back....my mind doesn't seem to be able to make up its mind and its driving me crazy so thought id ask for some friendly advice from this wonderful community. hope you all don't mind ^.^ i guess my problem is I said I was gay then straight then bi then gay then back to straight...now I just dont know anymore. I can see a pretty girl and go oh shes pretty cute sometimes ill get excited but most of the time its meh...same with guys but a bit more excitement then women.its rather confusing so I'm trying my best to explain it lol so I apologize for the confusingness. ive grown up of the belief god doesn't like gay people so I still have that hurdle to go through..my parents have said they'll accept me no matter what cause I'm their son and that means a great deal. but now its been 20 years of hearing god doesn't like gays and such and such makes it really hard to get through lol. then reading fanfiction its like aww that sounds like such an amazing relationship or wonder what it would be like to be in one and so on....argh its really hard getting my thoughts out lol. the girl I dated didn't go well we ended up kissing and just seemed like I don't really have feelings for her other then a friend and she was to busy in her life to make the relationship work anyhow so idk if its cause maybe I don't want to be with a woman or if we just weren't compatible? how does one know for sure if their gay/bi/straight/etc?? this is all so very confusing and would just like to know somehow and then own up to it and enjoy life without always going I'm straight...no maybe gay....nope bi....repeat...its so confusing and driving me nuts and idk what else to do anymore v.v I just want someone to spend time with/laugh with/cry with/release my frustrations to and comfort me as well as me being able to comfort them/knowing how I work and what not and just be loved other then family as well as being able to share my life with and be a part of theirs but I'm such a recluse I don't seem to be finding anyone ...anyhow thnx for listening to my rant and hope you can help me some lol. have a good evening! (&&&)(&&&) P.S I'm a bit behind on the LGBT issues and acceptance in the world so would you be able to point me to threads to learn more so I'm not so non-knowledgeable? my family goes on how gays and the like are not accepted and live a really bad life of being beaten and denied everything under the sun and what not which when not knowing truth or not its pretty scary lol. ---------- Post added 21st Mar 2016 at 07:31 PM ---------- also thinking about it I seem to have the find a nice girl settle down and have kids ideology that's been ingrained into me and feel like if I fall in love with a guy I wont have kids...well not kids per say but not the way my family would want me to have kids and I guess that just hurts and feel like id disappoint them if I didn't go with a girl and have kids they could spoil and be grandparents to...idk anymore...
Hey I understand you're processing and going through a lot. I come from a religious house hold and have done the sexuality flip flop of straight as a board and so bi I rep LGBTQ like no other. Now I am bi but not as out as before and I just take it day by day and make time to be alone with myself and think about my sexuality. The greatest thing I've done this time around is not think about what others want for my life. Trust me it's a process and there are times when the only thing I want to know is how would I rep, disappoint, or shame my family, but I've been through those thoughts for years. I consult a distant person who is not directly in the situation ex: Not apart of the religious family. No big opinion on gay orientation or rights. Just a person who does know about my flopping. Talking to a neutral person who knows about the struggle is good and this site is good too. Now going back to Who am I? What am I? What do I like? thoughts. I think it's good to make a time for those thoughts like 30min Hour or so, but not too long to where you just get lost and go round and round. I advice you take a prospective and plan it out a little. ex: If I was straight my life would be like so. If I was gay my life would be like... and If I was bi my life would go like. And after doing that remove all thoughts of others expectations but realize the problems that might come in leading the lifestyles and just ask yourself Would that make me truly happy? Also have fun with it :icon_wink Like think about the benefits. ex: If I was totally gay what would be my dream guy and where would we go. If I married the perfect woman how many kids would I like to have with her and would they have hippie names. Being bi...like what gender would I date that would capture me and take me off the market to be with only them..would it be a boy or girl? :icon_bigg Your sexuality and life is yours and no one elses.
First off sorry for the late reply it's been extremely busy here we got snowed in couple days ago and been digging the animals out lol. Thanks for your words of advice it means a lot! I hope you have a wonderful day my friend thanks again! (*hug*)
