Hi EC family, You guys have always been super cool with me when I've been feeling low, so prepare to hit subzero as I feel as thought I've hit rock bottom. I am ridiculously unhappy and I can identify three key themes in my life that are really getting to me and keeping me in a state where I am close to tears and feel as if things will never get better. 1. Home life: I graduated from university in 2014 with a good degree from a relatively good school. After some adverse consequences in my working life (on which, more later) I was forced to return to my parents home. I'm back in the bedroom in which I grew up and I'm, through no deliberate fault of my parents, stripped entirely of my privacy and, to a lesser extent, of my liberty to come and go as I please. After four years of complete, libertine freedom, I'm stuck here and it feels as if I'll never, ever escape. 2. Work: Six months out of college I landed my dream job, the one I thought I'd have to work half my life to achieve. I loved it. After six months in the job I was told that, due to budgetary cuts, my services were no longer required. I was absolutely devastated - I thought I would never even have the chance to get anything like it again. After going back into retail for a brief period I was asked to fulfil a short-term, part-time role in the industry in which I aspired to work. Then, I managed to get a full-time job in the industry but only on a rolling 3-month basis with no guarantee of continuing after June. Essentially, it has taken this abject failure an entire year to get back to just below where I was one year ago. Hardly the impressive go-getter is? I fear that I simply am not good enough, likeable enough or skilled enough to get anywhere near where I want to be. The prospect of perpetual failure is more than I can stomach at present. What makes things worse is that the guy who was recruited at the same time as I was has just been awarded a promotion based on his previous work experience with out clients. When will people stop being better than me so I get a change? ...and finally the big one, the one that keeps me up at night. 3. Love life: I'm overweight (I'm 6ft and 210s for fuck's sake) and therefore not very attractive at all so this probably does not come as much of a surprise but I'm completely hopeless when it comes to love, sex or romance. I've been single, properly single - few dates, little sex (other than those presumably feeling sorry for me) and certainly no relationships - for several years. I leave in my rotund, destructive, emotionally damaging and physically repugnant wake, two married ex-boyfreinds, each of whom I loved at one point and both or whom are probably counting their lucky stars that they are not lumbered with my lumbering frame and unremarkable personality. I find myself perpetually surrounded by slim, happy, charming, ditzy gay guys who find one another and are happy or are fucking so often that they don't care. I would just like the option of one of these - I'd even be happy in an unhappy relationship more than my current situation. My deepest fear is that as I grow old, I'm 28 now, I'll continue to be that guy. You know the one I mean, the old dude at the end of the bar getting soaked for drinks by the same young studs that ignored him when he was young. I fear I'll end up as that guy. It feels like it's happening already as all my friends (each and every one - no exaggeration, ALL OF THEM!!!) end up in relationships and then don't have time for me anymore, this is already happening. I can't blame them of course, they're with someone nice, sexy, charming and fun...why spend time with me? So, you see my situation? Pretty horrible huh? I hope it gets better because it's the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. I just don't think it's likely as I approach the end of the alleged best years of my life. The biggest kicker is this: Even if it does get better, I'll have been cheated by my own inadequacies out of the sex, love, romance, success, independence and warmth, out of everything that young men should have. Now you see why I'm angry and sad at the same time.
well I can imagine how being back in your childhood bedroom must suck... after the liberty of university life but the fact is ... you have made it out in to employment, and living independently, before and you can do it again. And with more ease now because you have work experience on your CV. And presumably a good reference you can attach to it? As for the love life.. well that is everyone's problem at some time or other. And if you are feeling disadvantaged by your weight then ... it is possible to do something about that. Finding the motivation is the key and if depression is sapping your motivation then some help from your doctor might just be what you need?
