There is just something I can't get out of my head. I have not been with a man or woman. I only recently accepted I want to try being with a woman. All my life I have had chances to be with men, guys asked me out but there was always some reason I did not like them. I did not enjoy dancing with guys at bars even if they were my friends. I don't know what it is, I have always wanted to have a boyfriend but when the opportunity presented itself I backed away. I thought a relationship would be way too much work because I would have to see him and call him etc. Have any of you experienced this? I am wondering if my subconscious is trying to tell me something by refusing to be comfortable having a boyfriend. The guys that asked me out were always okay, never amazing, but I feel like any normal girl would totally say yes to these guys. Why do I have so much trouble? I also remember having trouble objectifying guys the way other girls did. I always missed the hot guy that walked by, or I noticed him and noticed he was hot but always forgot to actually check him out. I just want to know why? I always wanted a boyfriend and just want to like guys like normal, but I can't seem to get past this invisible something that stops me from dating them. It's frustrated me and I want to try and date women. Not by default, I actually do like women a lot. I've recently fully accepted this. All my life, thoughts of me being gay came up because I really wanted to kiss girls and thought they were pretty. I pushed the thoughts away until a few years ago and now my thoughts about women have become much stronger and gone way farther and my thoughts about men have become much weaker and starting to fade. I just want to know if any of you have experienced this? Did you ever think you were just too picky, but found out you were a lesbian? I just want to know. I really hate this guessing and waiting. I feel like my entire life was a lie and I just want to get to the truth, find out who I want to be with and go after it so I can finally get on with my life.
That's part of what made me think I might be a lesbian. I think this is a common experience because we go through life told that we are supposed to love men and want to be with them so it's harder to recognise if we are actually interested in them or not. I realised I wasn't romantically interested in guys when I thought about how my expectations were really high and almost as if they were that way so I could avoid actually being with men. For example I spoke to a guy I thought I liked for weeks but when he asked me out I suddenly felt uncomfortable like how you describe. I think it's a common experience for women who like other women to go through this. But obviously I can't tell you what your sexuality is, that's up to you. I think that it is a possibility that you are a lesbian if you find yourself not interested in any of the guys you meet or you aren't able to realistically imagine yourself in a relationship with one. You don't have to be completely sure of who you are or rush to label yourself if you don't want to though, and these feelings are usually said to make more sense with time. You could try referring to yourself internally as a lesbian and seeing how that feels to give you a sense of whether that is right for you. And whether you end up with the label lesbian or bisexual or something else, you don't have to date guys if you don't want to. If you want to date women, you should do that. Just do what makes you happy. Hope something here helped you.
I relate to this. Eventually I just "gave in" and things worked out ok. I even loved some of those guys. But I find I'm equally picky with women; then again there are fewer of them I can even consider. My point is I can relate, but also that it doesn't necessarily mean anything about my or your sexuality by itself.
I can relate to this, a lot actually. That picky thing was a question in my mind for awhile. I had been in relationships with guys, hooked up with guys, and non-seriously hooked up with girls. I say non-serious because I wasn't super attracted to them or craving it, except for this one time... so I'm kind of opposite you. I have noticed hot guys and enjoyed sex/hooking up, but it seemed to stop there for me. I wouldn't say that this is how I acted in reality, but in my mind, I was kind of like that chick you see in a movie that has sex with the dude and then kicks him out. Of course being in relationships, I didn't actually do this, but once the sex was over, I was kind of like - thanks! . Okay. Bye. Wham, bam, thank you...man. Like sex was my objective and once it was done, I was slightly emotionally checked out. I was always really good at separating the two, and not for any reason that I can particularly put my finger on, so I now have to assume that there was a big part of me that just didn't really care about those guys. I never questioned my sexuality growing up. Not in any real, my world is shifting, way. I had "experimented" with my best friend (female), and kissed many girls who were friends. It didn't bother me or make me question. I always would think, well I just did that because boys wanted me to; I just wanted to have an O - blah, blah, blah. But after my last ex, I started to feel like I was NOT into men, except I never questioned being a lesbian, I just thought that there was a possibility I wasn't meant to be with a guy because I lost interest too quickly and there was always a wall up. So I'd just never get married or get divorced someday. I decided to stop dating. Five years later, I meet this girl and become crazy over her, in every way you could possibly go crazy over someone. And then I looked back at my behavior and how I felt towards men, and things started to make a lot of sense. In all the questioning, my best friend said to me, "you haaaaave always thought of men as being dispensable." That struck me really hard. I think I was always thought of as this chick who won't put up with any shit from guys, which can be seen as a strong/dominant personality. When it came to that girl I went crazy over. I have NEVER put up with more shit in my life! So, I am a picky chick that only puts up with shit and gets super emotionally attached to women I find lovely and want to worship. I have never wanted to worship a man...ever. But I do still consider myself bi, because who knows! I'm not sure that helped at all. Just telling you my thoughts and maybe they're like yours and will bring you some comfort in knowing you're not alone! I wold date around and see what you like. You never know until you go out and try.
Thanks everyone. It's helpful hearing your experience and comforting knowing i'm not alone with these thoughts. I guess I will figure it all out eventually. I seem to find out more and more each year. The farther I allow myself go and just follow whatever feels right the more I learn. I just hate that it's a slow process.
Girl I'm 3 years post-"aha moment", and I'm still questioning... slow process indeed You also might never have the answer until you have a lot of life experience. Be open to that possibility too.
That's pretty much how i feel. There's a couple of guys who were into me (a few months ago) but other than being flattered i wasn't into them at all. One of them i saw as a friend, he would sit next to me so close that our shoulder woud touch and boy that was just awkward and really uncomfortable. Not sure i would feel differently with a girl, guess i won't know until i tried, which i hope will be soon because i'm not getting any younger. Anyway, i totally understand where you come from with this.
Well, I really don't believe I'm a lesbian, but then again, never imagined being with a woman at all. I haven't been in any kind of serious relationship with a man in over ten years. I thought I just didn't want that kind of hassle in my life. Then this girl comes into my life and I'm completely and totally dedicated to the relationship. I think the process is very slow, so who knows? All I know is that I've never felt such a close connection as this, and it was completely unexpected.
Yes, I totally experienced that! I always thought I was just picky, and it took me longer than normal to figure out that I was into women. It's a little different for me because I do *occasionally* fall for guys (like, once a decade!), but for the most part I have an aversion to them. I turned down countless opportunities with guys who most women would have found attractive.
Before college, and before I had sex with anyone, I had no idea what I was but I knew I was attracted to both. My freshman year of college I found the term pansexual and it fit well and I had sex for the first time with a lady and have had some random hookups with guys and one year long relationship with a guy. After we broke up I hooked up with a guy and I was not very interested in his junk. I cared for my ex and he was fun in bed so I was able to overlook my dislike of penises. While we were dating I should have seen the signs but I didn't. I talked to one guy I'd hooked up with recently and he was not surprised at all lol. Long story short it took dating a guy for me to figure out that I am definitely a lesbian. Your story will be different and that's ok. Whatever feels good and fits right now, in this moment, that's all that matters, but I hope my story gives you some perspective.
I can relate to this too. I had my aha moment about 4 years ago and to this day I'm still like ?????? I think the process can be slow, it's hard being able to freely experience and understand your sexuality in a heterosexual society. But I can add that I always just thought I was picky with guys. I finally realized that I was trying to withhold this straight ideal. But even now I feel super picky with girls, but probably more so out of fear. Wish you the best!
