I think I've made a thread a while ago on a similar topic to this, but I just wanted to get some more opinions because I've been thinking about it more lately. I know I'm definitely a lesbian. If I had to choose between a beautiful man or woman in front of me I'd go for the woman - 100%. I am absolutely attracted to women and want to end up with one on the future. I often have crushes on girls and they're always so intense/exciting. I get so nervous around beautiful women but with guys I don't feel this way at all. However, I think I have some sort of emotional attraction to men. The thought of sex with a man turns me off and kind of makes me feel sick, to be honest. But there have been a few men in my life who I've felt an emotional connection with, as well as this need/desire to hug them or hold them. I know it sounds weird. I'm not good at explaining it. For example, I work with this guy my age who I feel this way about. I wish I could just sit down with him, talk about life, listen to him, and comfort him/hold him. Has anyone else experienced this? Is this normal, as a lesbian?
It's very common that one's sexual and romantic orientation aren't the same. That's not weird at all. I personally think that gender doesn't matter when it comes to love and emotions, but when it comes to sexual attraction I'm definitely a lesbian.
For the record, I think you should be careful with prescribing to the idea of there being a separation between "romantic" and "sexual" attraction. I, myself used to be in your shoes in that I felt an emotional draw to men. Later on I realized that this was due to a strongly held unconscious belief that the only way I could ever be good enough was if guys validated and were attracted to me. One of my ways of recognizing this was to realize that the moment a guy actually did find me attractive, I lost all interest in him. My guess is that what you're dealing with here isn't about guys themselves and their level of attractiveness to you, but rather an issue within you that you're projecting onto them for whatever reason.
I'm the same way. I can be drawn to men, I guess attracted to them in a way, but it's not the same as what I feel for women. I don't know whether it's "normal" for a lesbian, but I can say that sexual/romantic orientation is complicated and not as black & white as people make it out to be. Just let yourself feel how you feel.
Perhaps it's just friendship? I am gay and I've sometimes felt this way towards some female friends of mine. It's never ever sexual but I sometimes feel the need to hug them and be close to them. To me it's just the warmth of being around some of your bestest friends.
If people couldn't make strong emotional connections with people they aren't attracted to, friendship would suck. I think what you're experiencing can easily be a friendship thing. And hugs are great. If it starts to develop into something more, you could be bi, but having a connection and hugging aren't things to be worried about. When you hug someone and heart goes weird and your breathing becomes out of your control and you feel like you wanna breath them in... then you should be bothered - thats one of those sorts of moments I had with female friends that made me realise how gay I was.
