How did you feel towards the opposite sex when you 1st realised you like opposite sex

Hi Everyone,

I started questioning my sexuality about 18 months ago whilst aged 23. Since then I've constantly changed my mind between being straight, bisexual or gay. I've spent many months thinking I am probably bisexual but I've never wanted to come out as bisexual as I've always been scared that it's just a 'phase,' or a stepping stone on the way to accepting that I'm homosexual. Most recently, I'm leaning towards probably being completely gay but I spent 23 years completely and totally unaware that I was anything other than straight. In order to do that, I've obviously been able to feel and experience some form of attraction to the opposite sex, whether that's real or fake is another question but it's there. Now, I feel that I may be using that same attraction, real or fake, to 'create' my bisexuality. In doing so, I leave open the possibility that I may end up with a women and if that's the case then no matter how much I tell myself I am OK with same sex attraction, I will never fully embrace it.

So, that brings me to my question. How did you feel towards the opposite sex when you first realised you liked the opposite sex. You see, I feel it may be my feelings towards the opposite sex that stop me from fully accepting and embracing being gay. I feel that these thoughts are maybe completely made up or more likely it's the precise way in which my brain chooses to view these thoughts, that has made it so difficult to move on from women so to speak. I'm going to list some of them

- I only notice women in the street. It's like second nature to me. It feels programmed. Put me in central London, a busy train station perhaps, I would instantly spot a beautiful women 100m away hidden in a crowd of hundreds of people..........I don't notice men in real life.

- The same applies to films, TV and celebrities. My eyes are only drawn towards females.

-So far I've only talked about what my eyes are attracted to but my brain is attracted to the same thing. In terms of crushes, real life and celebrity, it's always females.

- I'm 24 and never had a serious relationship. I find that lately, I deeply crave physical intimacy. I mean, I crave sex but that't not what I'm talking about. I want to hug and to hold, to passionately kiss and to share myself with someone. All of these desires involve a women. There is no doubt in my mind that it's a women that I want to experience this with.

Now I must stress, I'm not straight. I know that. There is definite same sex attraction there as well but I am trying to figure out if I am gay or bisexual. I would be very interested to hear from anyone who identifies as gay or bisexual. How did you feel when you first discovered your same sex attraction. Did you feel any of the things I listed above and how did those feelings change over time. Any suggestions of a good way to work out which of these feelings are real and which aren't?