Hi everyone! So I've been doing some serious thinking lately. For a bit of backstory: I've always known I like girls, so I identified as bisexual from a young age. I had a boyfriend/fiancé for 6 years but something always kind of felt like it was missing. I never felt sparks when I was kissing him. I almost left him a couple of times because of it, but I always talked myself out of it because I loved him. But when I was dating a girl (before the ex) even touching her was electric, I would get lost in a fog of desire and sparks. Since my ex and I broke up, I've done a lot of thinking and am wondering if I'm gay, not bi? I've gone on a couple of dates with guys and felt absolutely nothing. I've kissed guys - nothing. Apart from my ex, every guy I've slept with was when I was drunk. There aren't a lot of girls-who-like-girls around where I live so I get fed up. I feel like I just sleep with the guys because they're easy to find. I don't feel particularly excited. I've never had sex with a girl though, my old girlfriend and I didn't get that far. But I keep developing crushes on girls that make my stomach flip. I don't feel that with any guys. But I do get almost-crushes on male celebrities ... but I'm wondering if that's more of a "I really like them as actors and people and heteronormativity tells me it's a crush" thing. People keep telling me not to worry about labels but I ... need to know for myself I guess. Please help?
If you're not feeling anything when you're with a guy but have these strong feelings when you're with a girl it's likely that you are gay.
I feel very similar. Kissing guys I feel blank/empty, but when I first kissed a girl it was like an explosion. Sounds likely, I guess seeing how you feel when you have sex with a girl would confirm it.
My experience is pretty similar to laviedadele. Every guy that I have kissed has done nothing for me, I never wanted anything more off them. A few days ago I had my first kiss with a girl and it was amazing, I've never had this much urgency to kiss another person before. My suggestion is the same, maybe explore what it is like to be with girl. Hopefully then you'll find the answers you're looking for!
gry, it sounds to me like gay instead of bi. I wished that I had gone with my inner feelings before getting married. Got married, having not been with a girl before, and a couple of guys, but always felt that I'd develop those same feelings for women as I did with guys and after 16 years of marriage, I still don't get those tingly (what you call sparks) that I felt with the guys I was with. Follow your instincts with what makes that electricity flow, you'll be much happier. I do know what you mean about being in a place where there's not many partners to choose from too, it sucks. There's no place where I live that makes it easy to "hook up" and find that perfect someone. Too close to retirement for me to move right away.
