Hi everybody ! my name is Ian and i'll be 24 years old soon . This post might be quiet long so thank you for the time you'll take to help me ! It means a lot to me i'd like you to give me one of those answer at the end of my story : A: Straight A* : bi-curious B : Bisexual leaning toward girls C : Bisexual D : Bisexual leaning toward guys E : Gay Okay , let's begin shall we ? :3 I can remember myself in love with girls since i was really really young like 4 years old, i never had this "yuuk girls are disgusting" i was spending more time with my gf than my best friends at school even when i was 6 or 7 years old tbh . I was always dreaming about girls to the point where my parents had to teach me what monogamy and polygamy mean because i was trying to get as many Gf i could when i was really young . i never had any interest in guys but i was really "curious" about penises ; i only knew mine after all ! i was looking at my toys to see if they had penises for exemple and i used to think that girls only had an anus and nothing else to pee/poo and have babies ahah. growing up i was really aroused by breasts and asses like pretty much any teenager ; i tried to have sex as soon as possible but didn't managed to get the girl . At 13 or 14 maybe i discovered Shemale (sorry i know that the word is offensive but it was to name the porn category) and oh boy the "shame" mixed up with the arousal of feminine body made me go crazy without any remorse to be honest with you . It became one of my favorite porn category for a while but it added away while growing up but i kept this curiosity toward penises. at 14years old i had a small crush on a guy considered as the coolest in my school it wasn't sexual but i think i could have say yes to him for a relationship with me . I also tried gay porn and was aroused but disgusted at the same time (no offense it was not my thing) Later i realized that he was what i wanted to be and until today i know i made the right decision. I had my first sexual relationship with a girl at 15 and it was Wonderfull even if i was so scared it nearly didn't happened , she was pretty but really skinny ; never mind i felt the sensation around my penis for hours afterward . Later , i felt deeply in love with a girl called Sophia ; a beautiful girl with big green eyes ; we had sex and it was wonderfull . Many months after she broke up because she was falling for an other guy and i met my first long relationship ; i felt in love with her within a week and we stayed together one year . We used to be rabbit regarding sex : 4 to 6 times a day , it was unbelievable ! She was chubby with a nice breast and it was hard for me to perform for a long time because of how beautiful and sexy she was . (During this time i was "hyper-sexual" and used to masturbate a lot ; 90% of the time about girls i knew ; 5% with porn and 5% about the idea of me giving head to someone by curiosity) I left her because i was developing feelings for Sophia again and i felt like i was betraying her. After that i spent a long time single , searching for a sophia look alike even after my feelings for her faded away but could never find someone like her physically . I stayed single for a long time watching porn , usually chubby/BBW/MILF but also sometimes some Shemale porn. at 17 i met a new girl ; the kind of girl i would never approach because of how sexy they are and i was afraid she would humiliate me if i tried anything . Call me lucky but i managed to get her. She was physically(thin,skinny) really different from what i was watching in porn to the point where i realized i was not able to get erect but after many attempts i managed to get erect and a perfect relation started .. for only 4 years.. It was great , sex was perfect (she even gained a little bit of weight while she was still really thin so it made me more aroused)and she became the most arousing thing to me , my fantasies where only her and some chubby/BBW porn . We planned to get married and to move in an appartement together ! But she started to be bored of me and left me.. After we broke up i realized that i was no longer aroused by skinny girls even when i find them really beautiful and only aroused by chubby girls even if i don't find them that beautiful or good looking Don't ask me why but one day during july 2015 out of nowhere i asked myself "Ian , you are bored of girls , you don't get this "omg" feeling anymore when you look at girls, you are only aroused by bbw/chubby porn/foot fetish porn as if the last thing that makes you straight is you fetishes..Are you gay ?" I saw shocked that i could ask myself something like that but shortly after i started to lose interest in breast and asses ; it wasn't doing anything for me except when i was touching them and even when i was touching them it was sometimes not enough for me to get erect. I started to look at guys and i realized that guys when they are perfectly built can be hot but i am really afraid of this feeling it was not here before and i was looking at a lot of guys even naked without feeling anything ! I became paranoid that i could be gay . Looking at gay porn/ straight porn etc.. I still have sex but only with chubby/bbw girls it is the only way for me to get aroused. when i look at guys that are considered as hot with body like "ryan reynolds" ; "Zack Effron" etc i feel like their bodies are sexy but i don't know if i find it sexy or if i want it in my bed or on myself i don't know.. am i sometimes aroused ? yes but also really really scared. When i think i am straight i am the most happy guy on earth but if i get a weird feeling of arousal or tingling in my penis while looking at guys i panic , start to get anxious , have hard time to breath and sometimes get dizzy .. I feel like i am less and less attracted to girls and more and more attracted to guys or maybe it is in my head i don't really know anymore ! Now i am afraid to date skinny girls because i don't feel any arousal since maybe a year for this body type , i am fed up to date chubby girls and i feel like i should have sex with a guy but i don't want to ! i want this fear of being gay to disappear . And no i am absolutely not homophobic ! i have nothing with homosexuality ! I was not gay or bisexual and i feel like i am becoming something i was not and i don't like it ! i was happy with what i was and who i was !
