I have a classmate, and I've been obsessing over the idea of me having a crush on him. I have done the same with other guys, but I have ruled them out. I can't get this guy out of my head. I ask myself "Do I like him?", then I say no. But my mind says "You know you do,". It's been like this for months now. He's a good looking guy, and I hate these repetitive thoughts. I have had dreams with him in them (this current dream was last night -- a girl said I give him the love stare and then he started wrestling with me, which is weird). I tell myself that if I have dreams about him, then I like him. I also ask if I would kiss him, and I say no, but my mind says "You know you do". I don't want to like him, because then I won't be straight. I hate this uncertainty. I hate myself for having these obsessive thoughts. Should I wait and see how I feel around him next week? I always check how I feel around him, but now I feel kind of nervous near him. It wasn't there before. Am I psyching myself out b/c I want to have a normal reaction and pressure myself to? Sometimes he takes my things, and he's being playful and stuff. I laughed it off the first time, but he did it again and it was annoying. But my mind says "No, you liked it, you didn't hate what he did". I just don't know anymore, and I wish I could be normal. I wish I could control these thoughts, but I can't. Does it sound like I like him?
Honestly, I don't know whether you like him or not. It sounds to me like you're really stressed out over this, and I know when I get stressed out over something in the same way the best thing I get do is just wait till I calm down and stop stressing and see what I think of things after that, because I know I personally won't be able to come to any good conclusion when I'm stressing like that. So if your brain works anything like mine, I'd advise you to just wait and see. It's okay if you're not normal, though . . . I know how it feels to just want to be normal, and it's really scary if it seems like you're not, but seriously, it's okay.
The only problem is I can't calm down. This is in my head every day. First, it went from once a day to a couple times every day. Being romantic with him doesn't sound right, but my mind tells me it does. It's like I have two sides of me that constantly argue. I just wanna give up, you know? I guess I can't find the true me.
Yeah, I know how that feels. :/ I've been there. But trust me, you will eventually be able to calm down about it . . . like, it can't go on for the entire rest of your life, so . . .
