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IM SO CONFUSED am I bi or lesbian

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Avantgardener, Apr 3, 2016.

  1. Avantgardener

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Okay so basically, since I was about 14 I started having same sex crushes as well as opposite sex, before then I thought I was straight. (it started with basically intensely falling in love with this girl in my year and I was like whaA) and since then I've pretty much been going through phases of a few months in which prefer one one sex over the other, but still am attracted to both sexes

    Thing is I really really don't want to have sex with guys, it's never really appealed to me/ the idea never turned me on, and I've only recently accepted that. I told myself it was because I'm more scared to be intimate with men than with women but now I think maybe it's cos I'm really turned off by male genitals (no offence)

    However at the moment I'm in a 'gay' phase in which I have 0 attraction to men (which is new), and I'm wondering whether I'm actually a lesbian? Like I'm obsessed with girls and I keep getting crushes on girls and wanting a girlfriend and I love the female form. Recently I've been wondering whether the crushes I get on guys aren't really crushes at all??. Like Maybe I'm just appreciating their physical beauty but it's about the whole forced heteronormativity which makes me think its romantic attraction, and maybe i only want validation and appreciation from guys (which I really do) due to enforced patriarchal ideals or whatever it is

    Also I went to an all girls secondary school, so I never really hung out with guys, and even now I don't have many male friends, idk if that plays a part in why I really don't 'get' guys which might have an impact on how I view them romantically?

    Basically I am SO CONFUSED and I know you're meant to just go with the flow of whoever you're attracted to, but I just want to know what sexuality I am so I can stop being confused and be more open about it to people :frowning2: Also I think I'm trying to convince myself I'm a lesbian because I don't want to label myself as bi because I know people's reactions would just be 'ugh pick a team teenage girl doing it for attention'
    It probably doesn't help to overanalyse things but it's pissing me off that I'm so confused haha

    I'm sorry this is so long, any advice / similar stories others have would be v appreciated!
     
  2. Electric Puns

    Regular Member

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    I know it's frustrating to be confused. Some gay people say they always knew, but others have to figure it out. You honestly have to relax and realise that it will all work out eventually, though that's easier said than done.
    I totally get what you mean about wondering if your crushes on guys are "real crushes"- sometimes I think that I forced myself into liking men, because I really didn't want to be gay. Also, I have many male friends and it hasn't affected how I view them romantically; I can 'get' them, but I don't really want to date them.
    In any case, you might be bi, you might be lesbian, or you might be neither- you're the only one who can give yourself a label. For the moment, don't worry about what other people think and focus on who you connect with. Cheesy as it sounds, you really should just go with the flow!
    I hope that helps, and that the confusion ends soon- I know it's really annoying.
    Hugs! :icon_bigg
     
  3. Really

    Full Member

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    What if you ran a little test for yourself?

    How about you say to yourself, "This week, I acknowledge I am only interested in women." And then see how it makes you feel about yourself and the various women around you? Not that you're going to instantly fall for any of them but do you start to get a sense that this is right? Or not quite right?

    And then the next week, see how it feels to acknowledge yourself as bisexual. I realize this won't be conclusive because bisexual attractions vary from person to person but if you get the feeling that you could potentially be attracted to one or the other, that should tell you something.

    In the end, I think all that matters is what you feel today. If you are more drawn to women (I don't believe your school environment had any influence one way or the other), great. Go with that. If, by chance, one day in the future, you are drawn to a man/men, great. You can go with that then.