Hello EC, I joined earlier following reading a thread on here regarding sexual orientation issues. I am a 19 year old London boy. When I was around 6 I remember playing with girls and hugging behind curtains (cheeky I know) and thinking I liked them. When I was 10 I kissed my first girl and enjoyed it. I find girls very attractive and enjoy spending time with them. As a musician (a lot of piano music and a bad childhood including abuse and neglect) some of my tunes were melancholy and probably lead to a lot of people have thought of me as maybe not 100% straight. There have been one or two times where people have asked me about my orientation and has lead to me being very worried and confused. In the street all I can think about is this confusion as I have never done anything with another guy. When I'm trying not to focus I find myself drawn to either female faces or male bodies. Hugging or kissing girls get me erect and I feel like I find female faces way more attractive than guys. I feel like if I focus on women in a these days I'm blocking out the male that becomes very present to me. I have only ever had (and multiple) dreams about sex with women and never a gay dream. My issue is being hyper aware and potentially intimidated by male bodies. When I try to accept in my mind that I'm gay and become what I think is comfortable focusing on males I become more socially easy and feel like a weight is lifted although this could just be not having to focus on my dilema. Help me!!
