Hey I've put a few posts on here and thought of something else I'd like some input on. Little back story for perspective. I've felt different from a young age and started liking the thought of being with a Transgendered person. I liked the look of a woman but wanted to play with the the parts of a man. I suppressed all of these feelings for a long time and led the life of a straight man but secretly getting off on gay and Trans porn. So here's where I want some input. I've never really had a crush on a guy because I would always bottle those feelings up. I actually had a male proposition me when I was 17 and was so far in the closet I got away from that situation as fast as I could. But I've regretted it and actually thought about what that would have been like in my alone time. So long story short I appreciate the beauty of a woman but feel I couldn't be fulfilled without being with a man. I know no one can tell me what I am I just want to know how others would perceive this. My opinion on it is I was in such denial that I've made myself able to be with woman because I wanted to be "normal" but thinking back I think I've always been full gay. I haven't been intimate with my wife without being drunk for years. I can't remember the last time we fooled around sober. And anytime I'm propositioned by her I feel like aww this again but I have no problem racing home after work to have some alone time with male fantasies. Could this be an extreme case of closeted gay or could it be a really confused bi. I hate going down town on her and wish I had something sticking up I could do that with. All and all I guess I'm asking because I don't want to get to the point of telling her what's going on and get it wrong. I feel I've been trained to look at a female body but when it comes down to it I want a male and it's hard to think romantically about a male because of my own internal struggle. Up until I came out to myself it's all been about sex but I want to start thinking in terms outside of that as well.
