Sometimes I feel like I’m doing something wrong by being in the closet and not telling the truth. Whenever someone asks who I have a crush on, I pretend that I like some boy, and when my parents talk about my future husband, I go along with it and don’t say anything. Even though I know I’m not ready to come out yet, I still feel bad for either lying by omission or just telling lies. Partly it’s frustrating, not being able to be who you are in front of people, but I also feel guilty. It’s like I’m putting on an act and I’m being dishonest. Has anyone else felt like this? Is it really lying? Sorry if I'm being dramatic- I tend to overthink these things and I wanted to get this out there. Thanks.
You have nothing to apologise for. I definitely understand that you feel bad about this, and that's valid too - you don't need to feel bad about feeling guilty either. You aren't alone, others have felt the same, and even though my circumstances aren't exactly the same as yours, I relate too. But trust me when I say, you've done nothing wrong. You don't deserve to feel guilty. It's completely, utterly understandable to not be ready to come out or tell the truth about who you like or who you want to be with - whether that's because of safety, personal comfort levels, or simply because you don't want to or are not ready. Any and all of those reasons and more are valid. This isn't your fault. Your sexuality and who you are belongs to you, you should have agency over it and shouldn't feel like you owe other people to say anything, because you don't. There's a lot of pressure put on LGBT+ people to "have to" come out and speak up for themselves, and sometimes a lot of shame/guilt of being in the closet, but the reality is you don't actually owe anyone the truth or an explanation unless you yourself feel ready and comfortable to tell them. It should be 100% your choice to make. You take your time, and come out when you're ready to. People should understand that. Your safety, comfort, happiness is priority. Hope you feel better soon my friend (*hug*)
You don't owe anybody an explanation or "confession" of your sexuality. People have no right to make heteronormative assumptions, and when they do, it makes sense that you'd be uncomfortable correcting them. But I think it's worth asking yourself *why* you do this...*why* aren't you more open, or *why* do you say things that are outright lies around this concept. I'm not saying it's wrong to do so...just asking the question (or rather, prompting *you* to ask the question) of why. Is it because of safety (your parents or others would flip out, be angry, mistreat or bully you, etc.)? Or is it simply out of convenience (it's soooo much easier to just let people think you're straight)? I would posit that if you actually feel pretty safe/secure, and it's just (or primarily) a convenience thing, then you might actually be a good deal *happier* and more comfortable if you *did* correct them. Just a thought.
Your words could be my thoughts, word for word. I know what you mean about lying by omission, and feeling guilty. Like you're letting yourself down, and tricking people. I call it "planting straight seeds". If my friends are talking about being single, I try to talk about finding "someone" instead of "a guy", that's the best I can do- but they still probably interpret it as straight-talk. At least I feel I'm being a bit more honest with myself. People are just now used to me not liking anyone. And yes, it hurts so much and something breaks inside of me when I find myself nodding and smiling when my parents talk about grandchildren, boyfriends, husbands. I don't think it's bad if you're not ready to come out, but I 100% feel the same.
Thanks for all the replies. It's really helped. @Alder and laviedadele: It's comforting to know I'm not the only one. Thanks for your kind words. @biAkanna: I suppose I do hide myself mostly out of convenience, but I think I should work on being more confident and fully accepting myself before telling others, you know? It's good to ask yourself these things anyway.
