Boarding school from very young age due to crack/heroin addict mother, bullied and sexually abused twice by other males (not seriously) and general parental neglect as a child. Although my girlfriend and girls in general get me erect very easily I feel like I can't block out the presentness of males and male genitalia. Can anyone help me out? (Never done anything with guys btw.)
short answer, NO. have you tried talking with a counselor/therapist who specializes in orintation and or child abuse survivors?
I think that it is possible to go through sexual trauma that can give you complicated sexual feelings towards different people. I really understand what you're going through. Despite what intrusive thoughts you might get, you should be with and do what makes you feel happiest and what you want. I agree with the above that you should consider exploring this further with a therapist. It might sound difficult but I think it could really help you understand what you're feeling better than anyone on here could. Best of luck.