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I finally met Mr. Right...but I wish he was a girl

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by fivetwoseventwo, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. fivetwoseventwo

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I've indentified as bisexual since I knew it was a thing. When I was first discovering my sexuality, I always fantasized about my female friends and watched lesbian porn exclusively from about age 11 until I was about 17. My best friendships have always been with boys. Ive had a lot of boyfriends, and mostly slept with men (although I've been drunk or high most times I have had sex with them) but had very few girlfriends.

    My dad left when I was five and I haven't had much of a relationship with him.
    I was sexually assaulted by an older boy when I was 13.
    I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship with a man from 16 to 18.

    Now I'm working through all the trauma. I've found a great guy and we've been dating about 8 months. He's my best friend in the entire world. He really cares about me and does everything he can to help me take care of myself, work out my issues, give me support. We have so much fun together. He's funny, kind, patient, all around wonderful. Except for his penis.

    I just can't get through sex with him anymore without having to close my eyes and imagine that he's a woman. It wasn't like this in the beginning. I actually enjoyed having sex with him a lot at first, but that faded very quickly. Now it just feels uncomfortable. I can't get turned on, I'm jealous that he gets to play with my boobs and eat me out but I don't get to do those things that I fantasize about all the time. I never imagine having sex with a man while I'm masturbating. What really gets me going is thinking about a woman.
    With guys it's more, of you've got a penis and you're gonna stick it in me and get off, the sensation might feel good but I can't wait until this is over so I can go home and get myself off.

    What I'm wondering is if it's possible that I've been a lesbian all along but all the trauma I've experienced in my relationships with men drew me to them, subconsciously wanting to make the messed up relationship I've had with my father right??

    Is it enough of a reason to ditch Mr. Right just because I'm not sexually attracted to him?

    Am I making up this whole lesbian thing in my mind because I'm terrified to have something good in my life?
     
  2. killswitch0029

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    It's common for women that experience sexual trauma to have such feelings. They tend to associate sex with men with past trauma. Sexual orientation doesn't necessarily play a role; I've heard of women who identify as straight that have sex with women because of past trauma and just can't bring themselves to have sex with men. However, by no means am I trying to say sexual orientation can't play a role. It could be highly possible that you're lesbian, or your past traumas could have affected your perception to sex with men.

    If you havn't already, speaking to a therapist or psychologist (not sure if they're the same thing) could help you explore these feelings. Ultimately if you feel you can't get past the sexual aspect of this relationship, it may be best to end things rather than lead him on.
     
  3. fivetwoseventwo

    Regular Member

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    Thanks for your insight. I've made a first appointment with a therapist but I feel like I'm going crazy in the meantime and I just really needed to get this off my chest so I could feel a little less crazy.
     
  4. arianemoon

    Regular Member

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    I am struggling with a very similar situation. Abusive past relationships with men, always been bisexual and fantasized about women, never men really. Not sexually attracted to men but in a relationship with my own Mr. Right. If you want to talk more about it, let me know. I'm probably going to make my own post in this forum soon after I look for a bit.