So, all through Middle School, I was exclusively attracted to and had crushes on guys. It wasn't just the biological urge, but also the peer pressure to have crushes on the opposite sex. I don't remember when I first felt attracted to women, but now that I look back and reflect, it seems like it was always there. I just never knew it was an option, or even a thing. (I hadn't been exposed to the LGBT community back then ). It was a gradual realisation in High School, when my attraction towards women showed up in my dreams, and I often found myself checking out attractive women. By then, I had learnt about Bisexuality and accepted that my orientation was not strictly normal. However, I still didn't know whether it was just a phase or whether I liked women enough to actually spend my life with one. It was very confusing. I started questioning whether I just wanted to be 'cool' or was I really Bisexual. Now, I'm out of school. I've been with a woman, and I am pretty sure I like women, too. The feeling is way too real to be 'self generated'. But I still don't know whether its the same way as it is with men. It feels different. Not stronger or weaker, just different. Its not like there's a spectrum and I'm on the middle of it, but rather I'm neither straight, nor gay. And I don't see that as being half straight and half gay. When I say the word Bisexual, I feel this pressure to be 'in the middle'...maybe it's just my perception of that label. So, do I really need the label ?
Bisexuality doesn't mean you have to be "in the middle". It just means you're attracted to both men and women (or other genders). You don't have to be 50 % into men and 50 % into women. You can be 90/10, 60/40, 20/80 or whatever. As long as you're not exclusively attracted to men or women you're bi (or pan). At least that's the way I've understood it (somebody please correct me if I'm wrong).
Chinaski is right. I'm bisexual and I am primarily attracted to women, moderately attracted to men, and occasionally attracted to nonbinary people (about 70/30 women/men), and that doesn't make me any less bisexual. You definitely don't have to be 50/50. You just have to be attracted to more than one gender, which it sounds like you are.
I get what you mean about feeling a bit pressured to be in the middle as a bisexual. I am more into girls, and can never decide whether it is therefore more accurate to call myself a lesbian or not, because most people see me as a lesbian, I believe. This is why I can't really deal with labels any more haha. But as the two above said, bisexual doesn't have to mean "in the middle" at all. At the same time, you don't have to label yourself at all. The main reason for it is so you can easily explain your sexuality - it depends if that is necessary for you.
My girl friend is Bi and she says for her, she has cycles of being attracted to men/women in different amounts. I've always just said I'm a lesbian and I've only ever dated women. But now and again I find myself attracted to the odd guy. So I've started just identifying as queer to see how that label feels and so far pretty good
