Throughout junior high and into my sophomore year of high school I only dated guys and dont remember being attracted to girls. My sophomore year that changed when I made friends with a new girl in town and we hit it off and became best friends. I feel hard for her and realized then that I was into women. I didnt come out and she always kind of lead me on. She eventually moved again and broke my heart. Shortly after I ended up with my now husband of 12 years. I can honestly say that I am more into women and would prefer to be with one but I love my husband. He is my best friend and I do not want to hurt him. Not to mention we have kids together and Im afraid if I was to leave that it would cause them issues. I prefer to struggle myself then put them thru anything that would hurt them or him. I question my sexuality because I know that if him and I were to split I WOULD NOT be with another man. So, am I bisexual or gay? I dont even know.
Hey I know it can be tough but sometimes it's best not to try and label yourself. It's not always as clear cut as straight, bi, lesbian there are often grey areas in between. I do have a question, if you decided you were lesbian rather than bi what difference would that make if you are planning to stay with your husband? I'm not trying to be harsh but just to get you to perhaps look at it a different way. How do you feel about your husband?
I guess what I should have said was that I dont plan on staying in this situation forever. He knows my feelings and he knows I talk to women. I just havent left because I know his worst fear is me leaving for a woman and because my kids are still young and I dont think they would understand. Im only here to protect them. :/ I do love him but its strictly now as friends.
Oh ok. So will he allow it to be more of an open relationship or will you just wait until your kids are older?
Im not really sure exactly. Im thinking until they are older unless I meet a woman that sweeps me off my feet and I feel like they are my chance at happiness. I dont hate my life so to say right now so Im ok with how things are. It would be nice to meet someone though because it feels pretty lonely at times. Could always be worse situations though so Im trying to deal as best as I can. If that makes sense?
Yeah that makes sense to me. You don't hate your life but you don't feel completely fulfilled that's what it sounds like to me. It's a very difficult situation. You have my sympathies. Your friend that you fell for before, did you have a relationship with her or did you just crush on her?
